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i. COVER & TITLE
I do like this cover quite a bit, and I think it has a lot of essential elements. However, I think the fonts could be improved upon to give this cover that spark and to make the words easier to read. A cover designer could probably figure out a solution for these problems better than I could, which is why I keep a big list of them in my reading list!
I like your title too. I think it tells us everything we need to know about this story while still maintaining some originality (which is difficult with fanfiction).
ii. BLURB
As always, I don't recommend putting a scene in your blurb. I think it wastes space, but in this instance I think it works fine. Since this is a story most people already know, the info blurb you have at the bottom would be redundant and not quite as captivating as an original scene from your book. However, the scene you've chosen lacks any true interest, and it's sort of a scene we all already know. I'd challenge you to find a scene in your book that might fit here better.
1 1 / 1 5
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i. PUNCTUATION
You have pretty good punctuation use, but I would like to draw your attention to some comma mistakes. Often, you use commas before words like 'because', 'before' and 'as' where you shouldn't. Here's an example:
'Peter watched his go round the vehicle, before opening the door for his mother and then for him.'
Since all of that is one clause, you shouldn't have that comma in there. Sometimes, you do need commas before these words, but most of the time, you don't. If you're not sure, Grammarly will (MOST) of the time correct it for you. Or, you could go through these instances yourself and note what is one clause and what is another, and if they require separation by a comma in the event that they are two clauses.
