Dreamland Review Archive

Bumper Cars (D)

Book: Bumper Cars

Author:  bookowl1234

Review By: divvyrora

Book Review

At a Glance:

Cover: I think that the cover's working for me. The artwork is amazing, and truly eye-catching. If there's anything that needs to be done on the cover- I'd say move the title to the top of the cover (or change the color of the text because it is a little hard to read in its current position). Great job!

Blurb: I like your blurb. I like your word choice, and frankly, this excites me and makes me really want to read your book. I like that you put the Warning section in the blurb, so I won't make any comments on that. That being said, while I enjoy your current blurb, there are some edits you could make for it to run smoother. So below I have each paragraph of your blurb, and then some edits I would recommend making:

Original: I don't believe in soul mates, but what I do believe is that at some point in life

we may meet someone who may hold a special part in our soul, in our heart. They can

complete us, consume us, which may either be the best thing or the worst thing that may

ever happen to us.

Edits: I don't believe in soul mates, but I do believe that at some point in life

we may meet someone who may hold a special part in our soul. Someone to

complete us, consume us, which can either be the best thing or the worst thing to

ever happen to us.

Original: We bump into probably a million people in our life, some matter more than the

others. But only a handful of them stay. We were like Bumper Cars, colliding with equal

force.

Edits: We bump into millions of people in our life. Some matter more than

others. But only a handful of them stay. We're like Bumper Cars, colliding with equal

force.

Original: That collided like two lost souls searching for a home.

Edits: That collide like two lost souls searching for a home.

I just made some minor changes in your blurb, improving word choice, and hopefully improving the flow at which the blurb is read. You are free to use this new blurb in your text if you'd like, or change up your current one!

Tags: Your tags look okay, but you can make them better by generalizing them a little, putting things like genre tags (just so you can gain more traction).

Chapter 1 Assessment:

I choose to focus on the first chapter in a book and give a thorough review on how readers get a hold of your writing style. It's significant if you want readers to continue reading your reading.

Engagement: I liked the overall chapter. The storyline was interesting, with the main character sharing her traumatic past and with what had been going on in her life lately. Although, if I'm being honest, I felt like there could have been a better way to introduce the traumatic backstory. Perhaps you could have put the background knowledge in Chapter 2 and have the hostile move-in section in Chapter 1? Or maybe rearranged how you delivered this info in one chapter? Otherwise, you're good in this area.

Grammar/Spelling: For the most part, I didn't see any major errors. I would just recommend proofreading your work as at times your word choice switches from past tense to present tense. So again, just proofread your writing to make sure that all of it is following one tense.

Word Choice: I think you did really well in this section! My only thing is that you don't use contractions when writing... and that's fine if that's your style of writing, but it may help condense some sentences, making them easier to read. But that's not a big thing :)

Entire Text's Story Flow:

The story's running pretty smoothly for me. I think the main character is really starting to grow on me. I love the whole young entrepreneur finding her way through life trope, and I think you've really found a nice way to make the story flow in unique ways.

Overall Plot:

As I mentioned above, I enjoyed your plot thus far. I like that you have various aspects to the story, making it quite diverse and interesting to read. You got trauma, romance and you have a savvy main character- what's there not to love?

Entire Text's Sentence Structures (description, grammar, spelling):

This is pretty good throughout the sections that I've read. Though, as I mentioned in the beginning though, your sentence structure and word choice can get a little formal at times, so don't be afraid to loosen that up!

Closing Thoughts:

Overall, I think that this is a really good piece with tons of potential. Keep up the good work, and with some polishing, your story is going to be soaring through Wattpad. Happy writing!

Overall Rating: B+