behind blue eyes [bucky barnes]

seventeen

"You can grow up, make new ones. But truth is there's nothing like old friends."

Song: Old Friends by Ben Rector
. . . . .

Maria slumped down in her desk chair, throwing her face in her palms. Paperwork was exhausting, especially when you had been demoted to the lowest on the totem pole. Maria had been stuck doing most of the Avengers' paperwork - baring Steve and Bruce. Both of them got their work done meticulously and hastily. The others left it all for her to finish and file. More missions equaled more paperwork.

She was exhausted, having not slept in weeks. She just drowned herself in her work and training, as much of it as she was allowed to do. Her nightmares had been getting worse and worse - stealing her sleep more often than not. And it didn't help that her and Bucky had barely spoken to one another since the day he came from the mission in Central America. The tension between the two of them seemed to make all of Maria's problems get even worse.

Maria couldn't really pinpoint why she was so upset at him. She couldn't tell if she was really mad at Bucky, or herself, or everyone else. The girl hated the fact that she was still being held back, and subsequently had information withheld from her. It wasn't fair - she was doing far better than she had been six months ago when she was first rescued. But everyone was still treating her like a child.

That included her soulmate.

With her nightmares getting exponentially worse, Maria had seemed to have fallen back into her cycle of self-loathing. Many hours were spent with her crying over the fact that she didn't recognize herself in the mirror. The person she thought she was wasn't who she really was. It wasn't her truest self. That person was a despicable, awful human being who did not deserve love or protection. And yet that was what Bucky wanted to give her.

Maria didn't feel like she deserved it. She wasn't worthy of love - not after the things she had done. And as far as protection was concerned... well, it was those closest to her who needed protection from her.

So she drowned herself in work. She spent more time within the four walls of her office or bedroom than anywhere else. Maria barely spoke to anyone. Basically the girl just kept to herself.

Two knocks - two very familiar knocks - appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Maria kept her head down on the desk, yelling for the person to go away because she was busy. But that request was completely ignored. The door opened, and a scent of pizza wafted into the room.

"You look like shit," Bucky said, making Maria roll her eyes.

"Dropping off unfinished paperwork again?"

"Finished, actually. And I thought you could use some lunch. I have one large pepperoni with mushrooms just for you."

Maria sat with her chin on the desk, staring at the man standing before her. He sat his paperwork, which really was finished, on one side of the desk. On the other he placed a pizza from Papa Maddio's.