behind blue eyes [bucky barnes]

sixtyseven*

"I know you been going through some things."

Song: I Know by Big Sean featuring Jhene Aiko

. . . . .

With a sad smile T'Challa bid the couple farewell. Maria walked straight to her bag, which T'Challa's people had brought up for the couple, and immediately began getting her things out to change for bed. As the girl fumbled through the clothing tears spilled out from her eyes. She finally allowed herself to break down. Everything had been going so well up until speaking to Okoye. Every bit of self loathing and hatred that Maria had felt creeped back up within her instantly. Months of healing fell apart at the seams.

Maria felt Bucky's hands slowly snake around her body from behind. The man placed a soothing kiss against the base of her neck as the girl melted back into him. She sighed - tossing her head back and sighing against him.

"I'm sorry for what she said, Maria."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Darling, she had no right-"

"She had every right, Bucky," Maria said, slamming down her items. The man's grip on her loosened, causing Maria to turn around and look at him apologetically. He wasn't the person she was mad at. She was the only person who could be blamed. "I killed her soulmate. It's unforgivable. If someone were to kill you - no matter the circumstances - I would be just as mad."

Bucky smiled softly, taking her cheek in his hand. Maria couldn't fathom actually losing him. Believe she had was hard enough. But to actually have him die... that would end her.

"I know."

"I- I will never forgive myself for it," mumbled Maria. "For the pain I put her through. And if I can't forgive myself, how can I ever expect her to forgive me?"

"C'mere, you," Bucky said, pulling the crying girl close to him. He let her sob for a few moments before tilting her head up towards him. Maria wrapped her arms around his neck to keep him close. "I want you to know something. I am so fucking proud of the person you are. You're a leader, Maria. You led them to the best of your ability, and a true leader wouldn't be able to forgive herself. It shows just how much you cared for each of them. If it was easy for you to just forgive and forget, then what would that say in regards to how much you loved and cared for them? But..."

Bucky stopped, tilting her head up before placing a kiss on her cheek.

"You have to learn to reconcile with what happened. The past isn't going to change, and beating yourself up about it is going to only make you feel worse. It's okay that Okoye cannot forgive you. That is her decision. You have to be okay with your actions - how people respond is not your responsibility. Remember what Wanda said? Control your own fear, not theirs."