behind blue eyes [bucky barnes]

twentyseven*

"Every lover known in comparison is a failure."

Song: ...Ready For It? By Taylor Swift

. . . . .

The car ride back to the tower was silent, with nothing but the sound of the truck engine filling up the space. Maria didn't know what to say that would make the situation better - she honestly hadn't thought that far in advance. Now Bucky was back, and they were going to have to confront what had happened.

Once they arrived, Steve dropped the two of them off so that he could go for his regular afternoon visit to see Peggy. He held Bucky back for just a moment, speaking to him without Maria being able to hear what he had to say. When he was finished the two took another quiet ride up the elevator. The energy within the compact space was palpable. Guilt and shame could still be felt the entire time throughout the bond. But despite that, Maria felt Bucky's flesh fingers tracing along hers every so often.

When the two exited the elevator and the damage that had been caused was laid out before him, Bucky stopped in his tracks. It was rough - broken lamps, demolished chairs, the works. Paint had been scratched off the walls when bodies had hit them, and there was a distinct spot in the corner next to the couch where Maria's head had been jammed into the wall.

"Hey, look at me. Right at me," Maria said, cupping Bucky's cheek and forcing their eyes to make contact. He looked so sad that it made Maria want to cry. "I'm okay. You're okay. We are all okay."

He didn't respond, but he didn't have to. His gaze said more than words ever could. Bucky traced his fingers slowly along the edges of the bruises he left due to malice. Maria fought against every instinct within her that told her to wince at the pain. It was dull - her having spent the five hours waiting for him in the medical bay so that she could have the Cradle work on her wounds. But there was still a small outline from where his grip had been tight enough to press onto her throat and nearly cause her to die.

"I did this," he whispered. "I hurt you."

"It wasn't you. It was him."

"Me. Him. We are one in the same."

After a moment's thought, Maria decided to do something risky for both of them. She reached down and grabbed his metal hand. Bucky tried to pull it back, but Maria clicked her tongue at him and shook her head.

"Put your hand around my throat," she asked, which had Bucky shaking his head adamantly.

"You're insane-"

"No, I'm not. I want to prove to you that I'm okay - that you didn't hurt me. Put your hand around my throat."

When Bucky still didn't do as she asked, Maria did it herself. She opened up his fist and placed his palm against her larynx. She then pressed each of his fingers against her skin just enough that he had a hold on her. The two stood like that in silence - staring at one another with Bucky's metal hand wrapped slightly around her neck.