behind blue eyes [bucky barnes]

onehundredandthirtysix

"Remember everything will be alright."

Song: Sign of the Times by Harry Styles

. . . . .

Journal Entry #172

How can you miss someone you never met?

At first, I had no idea how that could be possible. But then Maria broke the best and worst news she possibly could have.

She was pregnant. We were having a baby - a little girl to be exact. The moment she told me, my heart erupted. The thought of my girl being pregnant was more than I could bear. We were bringing a life into the world that had excitement bubbling up inside of me. I came up with all kinds of scenarios. I would get to teach my baby girl how to defend herself, introduce her to music and movies, and tell her stories about what it was like growing up for me.

But as quickly as that feeling entered, it left.

Maria was pregnant... as in past tense. Between fighting Ward and saving me, she lost the baby. Our baby. Our little girl. I knew something had been wrong by the way she felt - anxiety and sadness coursing through the bond. But I had assumed it was from my near death experience, not this. As Maria broke down telling me, I felt my heart break every which way. She had kept that secret from me, even after all of our talks about honesty. A part of me understands why she did it, and it doesn't really matter now. It wouldn't change the fact that our baby is gone.

After I saw her, he talked it over, deciding on a name. We wanted something to celebrate life. Something that felt special to both of us. The choice was simple - Samantha Margaret. Wilson had sacrificed his life for me. And he was a rock for Maria when she needed it. Peggy Carter had meant so much to both of our lives, so we had to let her legacy continue on.

I hope that someday we can start a family - a real family. But until then, I am content with having my girl by my side.

- - - - -

The sizzling sound of bacon on the stove in front of Maria held all of her attention as she tried not to burn them this time. Bread had already been prepped and ready for toasting. Eggs had been cracked and seasoned for scrambling. It was going to be the best she had ever made - she was going to be sure of it.

Sinatra's melodic voice was filling the room with soft sounds. Maria found herself swaying her hips and singing along to the all too familiar song. It was her soulmate's favorite, so of course it was hers too. Maria hoped that the baby growing inside of her stomach would learn to love the music too.

While Maria's head was swarming with plans for the day and how she was going to finally tell her boyfriend about her pregnancy, the girl missed the sounds of footsteps padding towards her. When her favorite set of hands wrapped around her body though, the girl was aware of his presence.