behind blue eyes [bucky barnes]

onehundredandfortyfour

"You'll never know how many dreams I've dreamed about you. Or just how empty they all seemed without you."

Song: It's Been a Long, Long Time by Harry James & His Orchestra

. . . . .

Journal Entry #199

This is it.

This is the moment I have been waiting for - dreaming for since I can remember. Tomorrow afternoon, in front of everyone important in our lives, I will finally get to marry Maria. For a while, I didn't think it would actually happen. I never thought I would find her, let alone marry her. After the shit we've been through... fuck, it's shocking we are even alive at this point.

It doesn't matter. That bull shit is irrelevant. Our lives are finally settled, and in twelve hours I will have a wife.

Maria Barnes.

As I'm sitting here, writing this entry, I can't help but look at her. She's in the bath - scrubbing her legs and doing all of these teeny things that I love yet don't care about. She is everything I could have ever asked for and then some. She's a pain in my fucking ass, and also the reason I am alive. The things I love about her are infinite - even the things I hate I still adore.

Everything has to go smoothly tomorrow. Not just for my sake, but for her as well. We have been through hell and back, and now I just want us to have our happy ending. We deserve that much.

- - - - -

Maria stood in front of the mirror in her bathroom, lost in her own world. Her fingers were continuously tracing the metal dog tag that hung around her neck - the words already imprinted in her mind from how many times she had done those same actions. But no matter how many times she traced the words, it still never failed to make her feel like he was right there.

"Maria," Steve called out from the other room. "Are you ready?"

She could hear him instructing Kimberly on what Jamie's bedtime was, how much money he was leaving for food, and to not let Jamie stay up all night eating ice cream. But the girl didn't pay much attention to anything else besides the small ring hanging beside the dog tag. It was reminiscent of a past that has defined her, and symbolism of her marriage to her soulmate. Tears trickled down her face, making the girl thankful for waterproof mascara.

"Hun, we need to- Oh, Maria."

Her eyes darted up, looking through the mirror at Steve as he came up behind her. If she hadn't been so upset, Maria would have relished in how good he looked in his dark wash jeans, white button up with rolled sleeves, and hair done exactly how he knew she liked it. But right then all she could concern herself with was how his hands came to rest on her shoulders - rubbing small circles with his fingers.