behind blue eyes [bucky barnes]

onehundredandfortysix

"Who I've hurt and where they've gone. I know that I've done some wrong, but I'm tryna make it right."

Song: Still Learning by Halsey

. . . . .

Journal Entry #22

Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be where I am today.

I mean seriously, I'm a kid from Brooklyn - not a superhero. Except, apparently I am. These people.... "the avengers"...... they are all heroes. Steve is one of them, a hero. Little, tiny Steve "backalley hero," "reckless is my middle name," "yes I jumped on a grenade," "no, I wasn't wearing a parachute," "why do you keep feeding me soup its pneumonia not the flu" Rogers is a fucking superhero. And me, well they keep saying I am too.

This isn't what I wanted for my life. I wanted to get through that god-forsaken war, first of all. I wanted to be able to be there for my mom and my sister, who I left all alone. Also, I wanted to be able to just keep Steve safe. And now, for many reasons and in many ways - it's him who is keeping me safe. He is the one protecting me now. And oh boy, does he love to make that known. These teammates of his think it's nuts - our relationship. But that's because we aren't friends... we are brothers. We've been with each other since we were 8 years old... at least I think that was how old we were.

Lastly, I just wanted to find my soulmate. My other half. And now, I don't see any way of that happening. I'm like 100 years old. You can't tell me that my soulmate is still around.... that would be ridiculous. While being a "hero" is all well and good, I would trade it any day if I could just have my soulmate.

But, until that day comes, I guess I'll be here.

- - - - -

"Do you need me to carry something," Maria asked, watching as Steve tried to grab their laundry with a sleeping five year old in his arms. "Steve-"

"I've got it, hun."

"Let me take her."

"Oh no, Mama Bear," smiled the man as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead before kicking the car door shut with his foot. "I'm Captain America, remember? I can easily juggle a sleeping JB and four loads of laundry."

Maria rolled her eyes as she walked next to him into the compound. Once inside the doors, she took a very deep breath at the memories she had. The fact that she was even able to be within the four walls of the building was growth in and of itself. But the washing machine in the apartment was broken, and even with her two Ph. Ds and a super soldier at her beck-and-call, it seemed as though they were way out of their league. So the three of them packed up and drove to the compound in hopes of using the fancy industrial machines quickly.