Short imagines with BTS ships-Book 2

Vmon (sad)

Dear Namjoon

I know you're probably wondering why I'm sending you a letter. I know old fashioned right? It's just a text it's hard to read when it's long and isn't personal enough and I want you to personally know exactly how you hurt me. I would come see you but given the fact of what you did, you must forgive me but I don't want to see you. On the phone you could hang up and I'm not looking for a conversation. I'm looking for you to understand how you hurt me. You hurt me a lot. I loved you with all my heart. I did nothing else but love you. Three years ago when we met each other, it seemed like we were perfect. Whatever I didn't have you did and the other way around. It was beautiful and I know people often were jealous and said they had never seen someone so in love. I guess for the most part it was true. I don't doubt that you loved me. I just don't understand why you did as you did. To make you understand better let me explain something to you.
When we first met I thought no one was allowed to be that perfect. You made me happy in a way no one else had done before. You made me laugh harder than I had before. Whenever I felt down you were there for me. You were also there for me during the good times. Always there. It meant the world to me and I suspect you don't know but many times I thought about wanting to marry you. To grow old with you. I guess you didn't feel the same way...
My parents loved you too, I'm guessing you know this because they told you many times. I'm just not sure you still remember. My friends liked you as well and told me the love we had was once in a lifetime. I guess I blew that one then or perhaps it was just a waste of time. In our last six months together I have never had it worse. I don't know if you remember how it started but I do. You came home drunk one night. I had tired calling you for hours and hours. Texted you scared and desperate. You didn't answer.
I was up when you came home. Waiting biting my nails until they bled. You stumbled in and I knew in a second that you were drunk. I cried when I saw you but I don't think you remember. I was so relieved to see you but little did I know it was the beginning of the end. I helped you into bed and tucked you in. You were barely concious. I lay next to you and tried to sleep but I couldn't because I was worried. The next day you seemed distant and I knew something was off but I thought you might have had a rough night. I was wrong. When I'm writing this it hits me, I don't know if you already had fallen out of love when you met him that night or it was after you met him.
I saw you two together once, when we were still together. I bet you didn't know that. You were walking together and I thought you were just friends. I thought "No Namjoon would never do that to me" I guess I didn't know you. Or I just loved you too much.
After that night nothing was ever really the same between us. You became more distant and cancelled dates all the time. I remember the last time we had sex. That was when it really hit me just how much we had grown apart. You didn't touch me like you used to. You didn't kiss me like you used to. It was like you couldn't remember what I liked or didn't like. Even so I was blind to the truth. It was three months before we broke up.
People might think I'm stupid. You might think I'm stupid for not seeing it before. It took me six months to realise. You know the people who say "Love makes you blind" That sure counted for me. And even though I felt bad most of the time, I prayed and hoped it would get better.
You know there was times you treated me right. Times I couldn't feel we changed. Times I was sure we would be alright. They made me even more blind to the truth.
I know you know what happend the last month we were together. We fought every single day. Without fail. It was terrible. So you stopped coming home. Stopped kissing me. But you still didn't let me go. Until I saw you together for the second time, kissing. You saw me too this time. He seemed to know about me. You must have told about me because when you called my name, he didn't ask who I was. I turned my back to you, like you had done to me. In that moment we were over and everything fell into place in my mind. The lies. The lost love. So I returned to our-your apartment. You didn't follow me.
I don't want to stay so this is your apartment now. I'm packing my stuff and I'm leaving this with you. I'm happy you let me be alone. That was the best thing you've done for months.
Still I have wondered so many times if you loved us both but forgot about me.
If you haven't caught on yet in the way you hurt me, let me sum it up. You didn't let me go. You kept me to yourself, when you didn't need me. You played with me. You had the other guy for six months but never told me. I don't understand why and I'll probably never understand it. In those six months, we didn't even have a good relationship. So yeah people might think I'm stupid for not realising before but you're the one who never told me. I might be stupid but you're a coward. I don't want to sound harsh but that's the truth.
I think I poured my every emotion out now and I'm done. Done with this. Done with you. Done with us. I'm not a person to want revenge and I'm not a person to stay angry. So I forgive you for everything you've done and I hope you can live with yourself. I hope the two of you have a good relationship but most of all I hope you never hurt anyone the way you hurt me.
Now I'm gonna go, I hope you understand how you hurt me. I'll move on now. I don't love you anymore and I'm no longer blind.
Bye, forever

-Taehyung