Short imagines with BTS ships-Book 2

Vmon (sad)

This is part 2 to the latest Vmon ^.^

Dear Taehyung
You sure made it hard for me to find you. I decided to send a letter to you because to be honest it was very effective. First off there is no way I can ever say sorry enough for what I did to you and I'll try my best to explain why I did it. To be honest I don't understand why myself. I didn't fall out of love that night. I still loved you. So much.
I felt the exact same way when we first met. You were beyond perfect. So perfect I was sure you were send from heaven. God, I remember falling for your eyes. They were so beautiful. And your smile I'll never forget. Oh and your moles, on a line so stunning.
The night I was drunk I was tired of everything. Work had been bad and I just wanted one drink but I met some old friends and I forgot everything. I'm not gonna lie, I'm done lying to you. I met him that night. He approched me, I didn't plan on it. Yes we kissed and we didn't stop there. I came home and I remember you crying. You took so good care of me and I felt so horrible. I wanted to tell you, I did but I was scared. So I seemed distant because I hated myself. I cancelled dates because I couldn't stand you looking at me with those loving eyes. I loved you so much. You were my world but a cloud came in and made a shadow. I fell for that cloud. Unfotuanly. There went two weeks before I met him again. We ran into each other on the street and I hadn't been able to get him out of my head, no matter how bad I felt about it. We went on a date and then one more until we almost were a couple. I told him about you, you were right about that. He said he didn't mind because he had already fallen for me. We didn't call each other boyfriends before we broke up. I know is no excuse, I still cheated and if I could I wouldn't have or at least told you after the first night. When we had sex the last time I had forgot a little but I guess I wanted you to know. I didn't have the courage and I was a coward. I wanted you to break up with me. I don't think you're stupid. Not at all. You were in love and that does make you blind. It's not something you can help.
I didn't forget you Taehyung, I don't think I'll ever forget you. I fell out love and I didn't know how to handle that because I thought I was going to marry you too. I was so confused and I thought me and him wouldn't last but we did. It was habit to be with you. So I just couldn't let you go because you meant the world to me too. Sometimes I thought I was done with the other guy but he had a grib on me. I couldn't escape.
The last month we were together, it was aweful for me too. I realised I had to let you go and I was going to. I know is easy for me to say now but I was. I stopped kissing you and I stopped coming home because I couldn't do it and I gathered courage to tell you. I know that sounds stupid and again is not an excuse.
When you saw us I felt sad but also relieved. When you turned your back to me I knew I shouldn't follow because I knew you would know it wasn't a one time thing. I went home with him and I stayed there because I know you. I knew you didn't want to stay in the apartment.
I was happy you wrote that letter because I deserved it. And I'm writing this letter not as an excuse but hopefully to get you some peace even though it might be confusing. I guess I'm also writing this letter to make myself feel a little better.
It is hard to live with myself. When I look at the mirror I see someone who hurt another person deeply and that is not okay. It will probably take me a while before I can forgive myself.
Now I think I poured all my feelings out and as you can tell by the letter, they are a mess. I'm not expecting an answer because I don't deserve one. I will never hurt anyone the way I hurt you because then I'll never have the strength to look in the mirror. I'm sorry you never want to see me again but I guess is for the best.
So thank you Taehyung for loving me in all those years. Thank you for writing me a letter because honestly I needed to hear that. Thank you for being a perfect boyfriend even after I let you down. You deserve the world. You deserve someone who loves you and cares for you. I'm sorry I wasn't and can't be that guy.
So in your words:
Bye forever
-Namjoon