Short imagines with BTS ships-Book 2

Sugamon (sweet)

Namjoon walked the streets alone as the night had settled and only a little light remained. His head was one big mess of things, he couldn't quite explain. The air was chilly but it didn't bother Namjoon at all. He welcomed it to make his headache go away.
He had decided to take a walk after being in the studio, and before returning home to the dorm. He needed a second alone and wasn't sure he could get it at the dorm plus he always enjoyed a good walk. Especially when his thoughts were a mess.
Lately Namjoon had felt the pressure of being the leader of BTS. He had always known he had a certain responsibility with the title but as they became more famous, not only in Korea but the world, it had gotten a lot harder. He had to take the lead in every English interview and often the others asked how to say something in English, and he tried to teach them, but usually they ended up being too shy to say it.
He had to produce songs for the albums which he loved but still he found it time demanding. Plus the younger's sometimes wanted help with their songs which of course he would love to help with but sometimes it was a bit too much work.
He and Jin had to work twice as hard as everyone else, to get the dance moves right and he always ended up feeling nervous on stage, because he was afraid he would make a mistake.
The other members listened to him and valued his words but sometimes it was just hard to lead a whole group. He was often unsure if he was doing a good enough job. If they felt he was there for them and guided them right.
He also of course had his boyfriend Yoongi. They had been together for two years and Namjoon was always happy with him. Despite not being crazy about each other when they first met, they had become friends and later lovers. They shared a room and Namjoon loved him more than words could describe. He had tried to but the words couldn't possible compare to the burning love he felt for Yoongi.
He knew they were quite different but for them it only meant, that when talking about things, it was interesting as they rarely had the same opinion. Namjoon who always seemed to think about things a lot and analyze them while Yoongi was relaxed and never gave too much thought into things, that didn't really effect him. They made a great team like that. They of course shared hobbies as well. Namjoon couldn't possibly imagine a life where Yoongi wasn't his boyfriend.
Namjoon kept walking and walking as his thoughts pushed forward, wanting to be heard and a knot formed in his stomach. After a half hour or more he decided to go back to the dorm. He walked there and let himself in quietly as he wasn't sure who was up as it was late. He took off his shoes and jacket and went to Yoongi's and his room. Youngi was sitting with his head in his hands but lifted his head when he heard the door open.

"Hey." Namjoon said and closed the door. He looked at Yoongi again and saw something was clearly off. "What's wrong?"

"Namjoon where have you been?!" Yoongi said sounding both angry and relived.

"Out walking, I needed to clear my head." Namjoon said not understanding the situation yet.

"Do you have any idea how worried I've been?" Yoongi asked and stood up with crossed arms. "I tried calling you but you didn't answer! I went to the studio and you weren't there! I've called you at least twenty times! Namjoon I was so scared something happened to you." Yoongi said his voice shaking as he said the last part. The knot in Namjoon's stomach tighten as he heard how worried he had made Yoongi.

"I'm really sorry, I just had to many thoughts in my head and I put my phone on silent. I'm really sorry for worrying you." Namjoon said in a sad voice and looked down.

"It's okay, just text me another time okay?" Yoongi said calming down. "Are you okay? You seem down." Yoongi said and walked closer. As Yoongi touched his arms, Namjoon couldn't hold it together. Tears started to stream down his face and he held onto Yoongi tightly. Yoongi held him in his arms and whispered words of comfort despite not knowing, what was going on in his mind. When Namjoon calmed down enough to not shake anymore, Yoongi lead him to the bed so they could sit down, looking at each other. "Babe tell me what's wrong. What's on that beautiful mind." Namjoon took a minute to gather himself.

"I feel like I'm not doing a good enough job as a leader. I feel like I'm letting you all down, that I'm not there for you. When we first debuted, I always had a strong sense of what to say and do but lately I don't anymore. I'm so confused as to if I'm doing the right thing. Am I leading you right? Am I leading you at all? Are you all happy? Do you have stuff to talk about. All these things." Namjoon said and took a deep breath. "I know Taehyung wants to learn English and so I try to help him but I'm not sure I'm doing it the right way. Jungkook has started producing songs and asks me to listen to them and I try to give my opinion, but is my opinion right at all? What do I even know about composing music? I know I'm not the best dancer and I feel like, I'm this rock around all of our legs. Plus these days half of the time, I'm not even sure if I'm a good boyfriend or not." Namjoon said tears appearing in his eyes again.

"That's a lot to take on your shoulders. Will it help if I tell you my point of view of it all?" Yoongi asked and grabbed Namjoon's hand.

"Maybe." Namjoon asked as Yoongi dried his tears with his free hand.

"Then I will. First of all I would like you to know, that you're not a good boyfriend, you're a perfect boyfriend. You always make time for me, you love me and care for me, despite me being a little cold sometimes. You always know what to say or do to make me feel good. I couldn't ask for someone better and I'm pretty sure I never will. Second. You're a good leader. All of us think so. If we didn't think you were we would have said something or wouldn't have valued your words as much as we do. You're a big part of what have gotten us to here. Damnit Namjoon, you're the reason there's a group in the first place and we're forever grateful because of that. With the dancing, yeah you have to work a little harder and it takes a little longer but you're not a rock around our legs. We all have things we're not that good at but you always end up being as good as the others. Plus you make up for it in songs. Which I would like to say that you shouldn't feel pressured to do at all. It's okay if you don't always have the energy to compose songs. It took me 3 years to write my mixtape, I'm sure people can wait for your songs as well. I've heard you teach Taehyung English and teaching Jungkook to compose songs and I'm honestly amazed with your skills to teach. You're doing a great job with them. The younger's couldn't possibly adore you anymore than they do and to be honest neither can I. Namjoon you're amazing in every single way but is okay to be sad as long as you remember that we're all here for you and love you as a leader and friend. Not just me but Jin, Jimin, Taehyung, Jungkook, Hoseok and Jimin as well. Will you remember that for me?" Yoongi asked and Namjoon listened to every word he said carefully.

"I'll remember that." Namjoon said and the tears had stopped. He sure did love Yoongi a whole lot. "Thank you Yoongi, for telling me all of this." Namjoon said and smiled slightly.

"Any time." Yoongi said and squeezed his hand. "Do you feel better?"

"Yeah. I always feel better with you." Namjoon said and looked into Yoongi's eyes. "Yoongi do you think, we'll be together for a long time?"

"Of course I do. I'm actually counting on it. I'm already thinking about thousand ways of proposing to you." Yoongi said in a lighten up voice and made Namjoon smile.

"No you're not." Namjoon said shyly.

"Yes I am! I could do it in song, on stage, as we take a walk, there's many options. I just need to find the perfect one and the time needs to be just right. I mean I'm of course counting on you to say yes." Yoongi said and Namjoon smiled.

"When you find the perfect way to ask me to marry you, I'll say yes." Namjoon said and Yoongi smiled. Yoongi took his hand and planted a kiss on it.

"Come on, let's get some sleep." Yoongi said and they both went to brush their teeth. They stripped down to their underwear and cuddled up on in bed.

"Thank you Yoongi for always being there for me." Namjoon whispered and felt as sleep demanded him.

"Any time angel." Yoongi whispered back. "I love you more than words can describe."

"I love you more than words can describe too." Namjoon as it had become a little ritual to say that before bed. Namjoon gave into sleep and dreamt about Yoongi proposing which he did two months later in the most perfect way Namjoon could ever imagine.