Eleanor Snape- Book 5, Part 2

Feelings of the Father

When I woke back up, I had forgotten where I was, but the pain in my hips brought the memories back just as quickly as the confusion had come.

I had lost my baby.

It had been a girl.

I had lost my beautiful baby girl...

I imediatly started crying. 

"Elle? Are you okay?" Narcissa asked in a much calmer tone than before. She had appeared right beside of me. Or maybe she had been there the whole time. I wasn't really sure, nor did I really care. When I didn't respond, she moved a little closer and reached out to put her arms around me. "Shhh, it's okay. I-"

"Don't touch me!" I yelled. Her skin touching mine gave me a clossed in sensation that was so intense that it began to get hard to breath. I hadn't had this feeling in a long time. 

Anxiety was squeezing at my chest.

"I'm sorry." She drew back, then looked down. Tears gathered in her eyes, but none of them spilled over. "I... I just want to help you. We all do."

"I....I..." I pulled on my hair. I didn't want to think about 'help'. Nothing could be helped right now. I was stuck in Intensive Care because, for the second time in my life, the best thing that had ever happen to me was taken away. And this time it was worse, because it was my body that killed it. 

If only we had known before, maybe our little girl would have lived...

"Eleanor, don't pull on your hair." Narcissa reached out again, but this time to take my hair from my hand. 

"I said, don't touch me!"

"I'm sorry." She looked back down at the ground. "I'm just concerned for you."

"Well, don't be..." I wispered, then covered my face. 

There was nothing to be concerned about. I was just destined to be unhappy. 

"I'm sorry." She repeated. "Are you hungry? It's time for dinner."

"I'm not hungry." I mumbled, then let myself slid back down into the bed. I lai on my side, facing away from Naricissa, and cried. 

I didn't want food. I didn't want comforting. I didn't want anything but to go home. But not home like the Manor. Home like... well... I wasn't really sure. I kept having this longing to go home, but the Manor wasn't going to satisfy it. Neither would Scabior's house, or even Spinner's End. I wasn't sure where I could find this mystical place that would brig me comfort, though, and that frustrated me. That, on top of the anxiety, made my cried turn into horrid sobs. 

"Eleanor..." Narcissa wispered.

"Shut up!" I somehow got out. She went silent at my request. 

It wasn't fair. Why was I stuck in here with her? I didn't even want to look at her. She had carried a baby just fine and hadn't lost it, because she wasn't me. She kept telling me it was okay, and it wasn't. She didn't understand. She didn't know what it felt like to have the baby, the baby who was growing inside of you. The baby you were so happy to be having, die before it even had a chance to live, and all of it being your fault. That hadn't happened to her...

Why couldn't I be in here with Lucius? Or my husband? 

For better or for worse 

Where was he, anyway?

In sickness and in health.

"W-where's Draco?" I mumbled at her. She cleared her throat.