Eleanor Snape- Book 5, Part 2

I Can End It All

I felt bad afterward, for yelling at Gilderoy, but I couldn't bring m7self to appologize. The budding realisation of the connection between close relationships and lose was playing out in my head, and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to push everyone away. If I wasn't close to them, I couldn't lose them. 

So, I pushed everyone away. when ever Lucius tried to talk to me, I would just ignore him, or blankly stare. Same went for any of the Healers: I wasn't talking to anyone. I couldn't let myself connect with anyone. I needed to be alone.

I didn't want to feel the pain anymore. 

You could end it.

My brain kept screaming it. I would cover my ears, trying to block it out, but it wouldn't leave. IT only got louder. IT screamed in my ears. I pounded at me chest. It used a sense of peer pressure like suggestion that almost made mwe want to act out. But I didn't...

But I could be with my baby, and my family.

I cried with my hands over my ears, and my eyes shut. Lucius kept asking me waht was wrong, and tried to pull my hands off of my ears. I kept quiet, but fought against his grip.

When the thoughs finally calmed down to a wisper, I slid down into the bed and took deep breaths. My heart pounded in my ears, but atlwast I could hear my own thoughts. 

Lucius made sure I was okay, and then went to get Healer Phillips. He tried to ask me what had happened, but I ignored him. He gave me a seditive, and I relaxed enough to go to sleep.

.............................................

It was very bright. Overly bright. I was in a very small room that only offered an inch of two of space infront of my face: two from all sides of me. I put my hand against the wall and pushed, but nothing happened.

I took a deep breath, expecting the usual closed in feeling that usually came ot me in times of panic, but it didn't come: For once I felt normal.

I turned around and touched the walls behind me. Again, nothing happened. I brushed some hair out of my face, nad looked up. I tried to step back, surprised, only to hit the wall behind me.

Above me, the ceiling was gone. A starry sky was over me, dark and shining. A face peeked at me from over the edge, adn it was a face I knew very well.

"V-Vincent?" I quietly asekd .HE smiled and waved. I offered a stunned wave back. My lips suddenly turned into a grin.

"Vincent? What are you doing? Where am I?" I asked him. HE didn't reply. INstead, he pulled way and was gone. My heart sank. "Vincent?"

Suddenly, he was back, and with another face. It was Uncle Severus, only not. All the stressed lines in his face were gone, and he was smiling, just as Vincent was.

My heart gave a little leap, and i found msyelf grinning as well. I blinked, and another figure appeared.

It was my father, or a cleaner, happier version of my father. HIs hair was cut and a half smile played on his face.

I closed my eyes in hope that when I reopened them, someone else would join them. When I looked back up, this proved to be true becaue not only was there one person, but five. Hayse, Dunn, Leeson, MyFareland, and Wyatt.

I felt tears of joy begin to fall down my cheeks. They were all so close, and so happy, and together...

Now they were all parted, and inbetween them was Scabior. He also looked very well and Healthy. He was wearing a frilly, white shirt and a nive pair of white pants. His hair wasn't tied back at all, and was falling around his shoulders in thick locks. I noticed for the first time that they were all dressed in white, and in clothes that they would have prefered instead of the typical flowing, white robes of the afterlife.