Eleanor Snape- Book 5, Part 2

Going Home Again

As I expected, the Manic Episode dissolved, but I didn't feel sad. I just felt... kind of neutral. Some parts of teh day I would feel very happy. Other times I would get angry or sad. But it always returned back to the strange neutrall state by the end of the day. 

In this neutral state, I didn't want to do much but just think and sit. In the thinking, I would be thrown back into depression or happiness. IN these cases, I would talk to someone until I felt a little better, or ask to go running until I tired and wanted to go back inside. On this particular day, I wasn't feeling too happy, so I was talking ot Healer Phillips. It was fter my nap, and I had had a nightmare that was raising my anxiety. 

"I don't know. I just really miss them today..." I trailed off. We were in his office today, because it was raining outside.

"What did you dream about?" He asked. I shook my head.

"Scabior." I swollowed. "I... I watched him die...Again." I added.

"I'm sorry. But it's the first one you've had in a while. Are you still having night terrors?" 

"Draco said I hae every night. And I sleep walked. Just across the room, but... It's scary."

"Oh, my. Has that happened before?"

"No..." I began to tear up. The thought of not only sitting up, but walkling around in my sleep terrified me. I sat a few minutes, trying to hold back my teasr.

"Mrs. Malfoy, have you thought about going home?"

"What?"

"Have you considered going home recently?" He repeated.

"I haven't thought about it..." I looked down and began pulling on my hair. The sudden shift in subject made my anxiety flicker.

I hadn't considered even asking to go home. I had been doing so well here that it hadn't occured to me. I was actually happy her, or as happy as I could be. But Draco would probably be happier, though. And I could see Virgo and Orion regularly. Lucius and Narcissa wouldn't have to take time to come visit me, becaues I would already be home. Draco could go back to work, and I'm sure my nerves could stand staying with NArcissa during the day. IT would really be better for everyone if I went home...

"Would you like to go home?" Healer Phillips asked me. I looked up at him.

"I think I would, but... just not tonight, okay?"

"Of course not tonight. How about tommorrow? In the morning?"

"Yeah..." I smiled a bit. "That sounds okay."

"Great! I'll start the paperwork later today."

"Thank you."

"You have progressed very well. I think you will even more so once back at home."

"But I'm still not better..."

"Compared to when you were first addmitted, you have improved so much."

"But I'm still not better." I repeated.

"Mrs. Malfoy, you have a condition that can not be reversed. You will never get away from it, so instead of running, cope with it. You're learning how to live with it, and that's the best you can do, and that's okay."

I nodded my head, swollowing. I knew that: I knew all of that. I had been told that many times. I just didn't want it to be true; as stupid as it was. I felt heart broken, which I also knew as stupid.

"Okay." was all I offered.

"Well... is there anything you want to ask or talk about? You seem more upset than you first came in today."