Eleanor Snape- Book 5, Part 2

Pushing Myself Furthe

"I just don't unerstand what it is. I want to know what is wrong with me!" I told Healer Phillips all about how anytime I even touched Draco I couldn't breath. How my chest tightened, and I had to get away from him. It was so frusterating: I wanted to touch him, to love him, but my body and my mind wouldn't let me. I covered my face, begining to cry. Healer Phillips wrote this down, then put the parchment down beside him. 

"I know, Mrs. Malfoy, and I want nothing more than to help you, but I need a little more information. I feel like you aren't telling me everything, and to help you, I need to know what is bothering you. Is there anything bothering you about Draco?" He spoke to me in a gental tone. I lowered my hands so I could look at him. 

"I... I don't know..." I wiped at my eyes. My hands longed for Melvin, but I had left him at home. 

"Okay.. I know we have talked about it before, but can we talk about the first time you met Draco? From then, all the way to now. Things that made you happy. Things that made you upset. Everything. Can you do that for me, please?" He kept the calm tone. I blinked at him a couple times, before finally laying down on the black, leather couch. I couldn't bring myself to look at him while I talked, so instead I focused on a picture that was hanging up on the wall I was facing of a statue of a woman wearing a crown and some kind of robes. She was holding a tourch in one hand, and a book in the other. 

"I... Draco and I met when I was on my way to Hogwarts. My first ride to Hogwarts. We ran into each other, and he came off as sort of friendly. I lied to him about my name... I had never had anyone be friendly to me, other than Uncle Severus the few days I had been with him, and Cornelius Fudge the few days I was in the Ministry's Custody. I lied, because I heard two kids say that they didn't like my Uncle. I was affraid that if he knew who I was, then he wouldn't like me. I had never had anyone be so kind to me, and now that I think about, he wasn't very kind. Anything seemed kind compared to my father.

"But when he found out who I was, he didn't hold it against me. He just forgot about it, I guess. I lied a lot to impress him. I told him that I was in the Advanced Potions Class as a Third Year. For some reason he beleived me, althoug I was barley scraping by with passing grades, except Remedial Potions. I was failing Remedial Potions. I told him I was helping my Uncle teach that class. Well, he found out about that, too, and put it behind him.

"He was always trying to comfort me, and I let him. I liked it. No one had ever hugged me, or kissed me, or tried to protect me when I was scared. I started having nightmares, and I would cry. He would tell me it was okay, and made me feel like it was okay. 

"Narcissa used to hate me, but he would ignore that. And for him to go against his mother like that... He loves Narcissa a lot, but he disobeyed her for me. She was upset that I wasn't Pure-Blood. So was I. I still am. Lucius took to me, though. He has always been so nice to me... I went to their Christmas Ball. I got drunk. Draco tried to get me out of trouble... 

"He was really sweet, but after a while, be began to make me feel bag acout myself. He would make me feel about how I look. He would say stuff about my greasey hair, and my big nose and my flat chest. He was joking. I would tell myself he was joking. We fould have fights, we wouldn't talk for about a day, then I would take him back. He would ask for it, give me a present, and I would forgive him. I didn't want to lose him. I didn't want to lose the attention he was giving me.

"He started getting really mean. I would go along with his jokes, just so I wouldn't make him upset. I watched him tourcher Sarah Beth. I didn't do anything about it. I didn't want him made at me. I wanted him to love me. I didn't want to lose him. But he was so mean. Vincent and Sarah Beth and even, sometimes, Gregory would tell me he was terrible to me, but I would ignore them. I didn't want to face the truth, because I wasn't leaving the first love I had ever had. I wasn't giving it up.