Karmagisa: Our Fate Upon The Crown

48 | My Dead Fate

<Nagisa>
I laid on the stone ground, alone and cold.
For the past few days I've refused all my meals because, what's the point when I'm not doing to be saved? This is the end.

"My dear child, chin up." Queen Yua sat next to me, reaching her hand out.

But I swatted it away.

"Don't touch me, don't touch me!" I wrapped myself in my own disparity. My muscles aching and the frost on my fingertips. Everything felt uncomfortable to the core. Sickening if you had to describe it.

"Why does this reincarnation even exist?! I don't have the right to my own life. Who I want to be and love, it's so frustrating! It's a damned curse, it truly is." My words rambled on, as my own humiliation manifested into a greater monster. Who could I blame? When I can only blame myself.

"Everything will be alright my dear-."

"No it won't! You don't get it do you? I'm a victim just like the current Queen. Just like all the previous ones before me! All of them! The moment they are born, they are forced to live up to this expectation of becoming the next Crowns. You wouldn't possibly understand this struggle. You don't know what your curse is putting us through."

The more I spoke, the more I detested myself.
Each passing day without a visitor, I feel more alone in the darkest days here. What do I look forward to? Is it hope?

I simply drained myself of all my tears. There is none left. This hole in my heart, the razor sharp blade against my neck. I want to die. No one is coming for me anyways. Not even Karma.

"Then will you think about it? The offer from last time we spoke?" Queen Yua inched away a little and reached her hand out slowly once more. "Like I said, I can take all the pain for you. I'll carry all your burdens. It is the least I can do."

I want to escape so badly. To have someone else shoulder this weight, I need it badly. However, this just shows how weak my mind is at this point.
Should I just accept it now? What will become of me?

But somewhere in my heart, even if it's a small spec. I truly think that someone is coming for me, and if not then I don't know.

Queen Yua's spirit touched the long rusty bars that confined me. At the same time she hung her head depressingly, as there was wilting camellias descending around her. The bright pink hue viciously becoming gruesomely dark and lifeless.
••••••••
<Kaede>
I was summoned by Karasuma after my conversation with Terasaka. Almost like right after I arrived in the main foyer, Karasuma called for me.
I asked him why he needed me but, the thought of him overhearing everything, made me a nervous wreck.

He silently brought me to the medical ward of the palace, and knocked upon a private room.
When we entered, two other guards proceeded out. And before me, was Karma, Mamoru, and Aika sitting along quietly.

Karasuma closed the doors and eventually locked it from the inside, as he motioned me to sit at the empty chair.

"I'm glad that we were able to find you." Karma smiled, with a posing awkwardness because, I didn't know how to address him. Formal, informal? I'm not quit sure!- I automatically got up and formally bowed, acknowledging Karma.

"Lady Kaede, it's nice to see you again." Aika bowed her head and I instantly felt an surge of embarrassment as Mamoru slightly smiled at me as well when I sat down.

"My greatest apologies that I haven't been regularly checking up on you guys." I got up from my seat again and formally bowed to them too.

I glanced over at Mamoru who was still looking at me. He had this shattered expression of hopelessness that was perishing by the second. I could only imagine the anguish he's been through since he had awoken.

Karasuma cleared his throat and that was when the transitioned happened.
Karma rearranged himself and collectively talked to all of us, with a low volume.

"As you may know, anyone who has or had affiliations to Nagisa are banned from contacting him. The current King advised me that if I didn't want to be thrown in the dungeon for treason as well, then I should sit here patient and wait for Nagisa's demise." Karma explained. "As of now, there is no progress whereas Karasuma and I have been trying to prove Nagisa's innocence."

"So you're telling me that Nagisa is innocent?!" I accidentally raised my voice from the spurt of relief that washed over me. Ah so it's true! How could I even consider the fact that he would do such things?

"He's my baby brother. Why would he ever?" Mamoru replied almost with confidence on his tongue.

But back to the conversation.

"Wouldn't it be best to interrogate the man who framed him? Shouldn't he be locked up as we speak?" I questioned.

"We thought of that. But none of us can approach him. Karasuma can but then his nature would be questionable in the eyes of the King." Karma explained. "I couldn't bear the idea of sacrificing one of you, for Nagisa's life."

"We could always ask the public." Aika proposed, "families and villages that were attacked. See if there is a correlation between those insurgents and Nagisa."

"It would be better if those two would connect to each other. Then we would know that we are challenging one enemy, rather then two." Karasuma commented.

Mamoru sighed and we all looked over at him.

"So in the end, none of us can go to his side, even if it's for a short amount of time?" The tone of his voice reflected how vexed he was and the annoyance was obvious on his face.

That's when I realized my place in life. Just by looking at all of them and what they have to offer. Then there's me.

"If it's for Nagisa I can do the dirty work." With the fire have left within me, I let myself be of use.

"Of course, everyone here holds their purpose. Karasuma is Princess Irina's fiancé, daughter of the Queen and King. It would be hectic for problems to arise especially when you are also apart of the honorable Tempus Five. Then there is Karma, the Reincarnated Child, I really don't have to explain it do I?"

They all looked at me confused but, they allowed me to continue and I'm grateful that they are listening to the likes of me.

"Mamoru and Aika, you're Nagisa's family. It would be devastating for him if he were to lose you. And then there's me. If I were gone, there wouldn't be a difference."

I stood up and placed my hand on my heart. If it's one thing I grew up wanting to become, is someone people could rely on. In this lifetime, you are bound to the powerful monarchs, your life is controlled by the social classes.

Despite living peacefully, happily, and successfully, my fate was decided when I was born. I am to respectfully serve those who are above me and anyone else who needs it.

I've always been afraid of the day where no one would be able to lift a finger to help someone in need. If you help someone, you know that people will be there for you. But if you decide to watch and wait, there will be no one else who will come to your side when you are in need of help yourself.

"My King, allow me to serve you until the end."