All She Wanted Was Love

3: In My Feelings

Chapter 3: In My Feelings

{April}

I was the first one woke as usual. Although I fell asleep I couldn't stay asleep. I tossed and turned throughout the night. Truthfully I haven't had a night like this in a long while. Of course Chris meddles his way into my mind no matter how deep I try to bury him. But there are the constant reminders of him you know special occasions, birthdays, and holidays. Maybe it's because the day we were supposed to get married is slowly approaching or it could be the fact that I'm plastered all over the gotdamn internet and I know damn well that he seen me perform at the karaoke lounge. Regardless I know that he knows he's the reason behind that song as well as my performance.

Last night he ran through my mind like a wildfire and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't put out the flames. It was like everything resurfaced and I knew at any moment my tough façade would diminish. Flashes of the good, bad, and ugly ran through my head like I had long term amnesia and all my memories resurfaced and went haywire in my mind. Trust I was good most of the time but I still had my days every so often.

Since the breakup with Chris I haven't dealt with another man no matter how hard they tried to spit game. I just wasn't with it. I needed time to myself and I swore off all entertainers. I didn't want to be in the limelight unless it had to do with my accomplishments. I didn't want to be recognized for looking good in someone's arms.

I stood in the kitchen over the stove getting breakfast ready since I knew the girls would be waking up soon. Nothing spectacular this morning just thick cut pork bacon for Alaina and me and sausages for Hazel along with scrambled eggs and cheese with biscuits for all. I wasn't in the mood to go all out but I knew I had to get my shit together before they came downstairs trying to interrogate my ass and that I didn't have time for. A few minutes later they entered the kitchen looking like they had a rough night.

"Morning sun shines the earth says hello" I greet them on my Willy Wonka shit.

"Here ya chipper ass go" Alaina huffed rubbing her hand over her face.

"Any, who Aleves and water are on the counter" I pointed to the bottle of Aleves and water that I had placed on the counter for them and cut off the stove.

"Thanks" they both mumbled and popped the pills back.

"Breakfast is ready" I placed everything on the island and went back to get the orange juice out the fridge.

"Appie you did the damn thing last night. I got so many notifications them shits bout to break my damn phone. I think you broke the internet" Alaina said as she scrolled through her notifications on the Gram.

"I'm mad bitches talking out the side of their necks" Hazel smacked her lips. She hated shit like that. Me on the other hand I was pretty much use to bitches talking. That's all they did while I was with Chris and even after. That's why I really never paid attention to social media let alone posted anything on them.

"You know how the media is as well as the people who think they know what they're talking bout is. You know what I say" I looked at the both of them smirking.

"Fuck em" we all shouted and laughed. I saw what they said and I'll admit that some rubbed me the wrong way. Sites were saying that I finally came out of hiding while others said I just wanted to be seen because Chris had finally moved on. Then people had side comments talking about me like they personally knew me. I was an attention seeking whore, I wanted to breakup Chris relationship with whoever the chick was, and so much other bullshit. Yes Chris was on my mind when I sung that song but I wouldn't want to come between whatever he has going on. Besides I left him standing at the altar for a reason. What people fail to realize is that I could have Chris if I wanted him like that and he wouldn't dare hesitate to leave whomever he was with behind but that's not the type of woman I am. When I fell in love with Chris it wasn't for who he was on the outside world but for Christopher Maurice Brown the fun, loving, goofy, and caring man that he truly was. People were talking about me like I was the one who fucked up but I was the victim in the situation.