"I love you god knows I do but I can't do this. I can't. I put up with the phone calls, the text messages, social media, random chicks, not coming home, and everything else. Let alone a baby you conceived by some random chick. I'd be a fool to marry...
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Chapter 29: Smoke N Mirrors April
As soon as April locked the front door and put on the alarm after Chris's departure she immediately called her sisters telling them that she needed them. It was a code red a 911 emergency. She felt it in her heart, her soul, she felt it throughout her body, and she felt it all over just surrounding her, suffocating her. April was about to crack. She was about to have a nervous breakdown that was about 5 years overdue. From the first time Chris fucked up, to his baby by another woman, her miscarriage, the birth and death of her son, the wedding that never ended the way it was supposed to, the 2 plus years that she pretty much hid from everyone besides a few, and the times where she literally buried herself in her work.
The shit she dealt with that she didn't have to. The emotions she went through April was done. She was tired of walking around as if everything was oh so sweet and her life was oh so grand when it was all smoke and mirrors. The walls that April had built up around herself were so thick that they were slowly suffocating her and closing in on her. Her heart hurt, literally hurt as if someone was squeezing it, her body felt weak, and her mind felt like it was betraying her. She felt herself slipping and gasping for air that she so desperately needed. It was finally happening. April was losing herself.
April felt like her body was burning from the inside out like she was walking through flames. She snatched her cat suit off and tossed it to the floor and took the bun out of her hair letting her kinky curls fall all over the place. She paced back and forth across her carpeted bedroom floor with tears streaming out her eyes and down her cheeks looking like small puddles as she tugged on her hair furiously. She felt like everything she had been through was absolutely her fault. Sure Chris told her that it wasn't her fault and that it was all his but April was grown enough to walk away before shit got bad. She felt like she should've left the first time he fucked up. April knew what love was. She had a great example and a front row seat to her parent's marriage. Yes she knew that there would be good days and bad days but nothing like she had experienced. She knew if it was anybody else she wouldn't have tolerated that shit from any nigga but Chris had a hold on her heart and used and abused it.
If she would've left maybe their son would still be alive. Maybe if she would've left in the beginning she wouldn't have to go through so many loses taking L after L and bullet after bullet because the shots never seemed to miss the intended target, her. April stood still in the middle of the room with her hands covering her face trying to get herself together but she couldn't. She couldn't hold it any longer. Her body shook violently as she felt something building up in the pit of her stomach waiting yet begging to be released. She let go and fell to the floor screaming at the top of her lungs as if someone was trying to kill her. It was one of those blood curdling screams. At that very moment Alaina and Hazel were entering the house and heard her. They immediately took flight up the stairs rushing to get to her.
The scene before them broke their hearts and tears now poured out of their eyes. They knew it that it would happen sooner or later. They had been wondering how she had been so strong just taking everything that came her way. Anybody that went through half of the shit April had would've been lost it but she was pushing through it or at least making it seem as if she was pushing through it.
