"I love you god knows I do but I can't do this. I can't. I put up with the phone calls, the text messages, social media, random chicks, not coming home, and everything else. Let alone a baby you conceived by some random chick. I'd be a fool to marry...
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Chapter 21: I'm Sorry Chris
She's just perfect in every kinda way But I don't think I can handle her pain So messed up and I'm too busy just running my game Oh, girl after girl, mistake after mistake I tried to change but they always around, pulling me down in bed Gave you my word but they were just broken promises Broken condoms, lipstick marks and unprotected sex I feel like shit, you know I ain't shit Sorry, won't turn back the clock Baby I took advantage cause I knew you Wouldn't believe, so I used you I'm sorry, oh I'm sorry don't make it right, I know [I'm Sorry: Rick Ross ft. Chris Brown]
Chris had finally had time to check his schedule to see when he would have time available to have a face to face well overdue conversation with April. As soon as he found the right time he went ahead and texted April the dates. For some reason he just knew that the much needed face off was going to take more than a day if anything 2 the most. He knew he had a lot to talk about and get off his chest. He personally had a lot of apologizing to do because he knew he had fucked up bad. He had a clear mind for the most part so he was able to see everything he had done wrong. The things he did made him sick to his stomach. Yet it was beyond time to face the music. He knew April had a clue to some of the things he was doing behind her back but he also knew she didn't know the full extent of how bad he actually did her. Chris planned on letting her know everything he had done. He had to get...no he NEEDED to get it off his chest.
Right about now he was by himself in his in home studio in his feelings and the only way he could express himself right now was through his music. He was going through a bunch of mixed emotions. He felt lonely. Yes he had his daughter, his family, and friends but he truly missed having a companion. You know someone to share his life with. He knew he wouldn't get another April. Those chances were slim to none but he hoped he would find someone at least close to her. Since the altercation with Kae he pretty much left her alone. He didn't have time for negativity and people using him. Chris wanted more out of life. Of course she kept calling and dropping by but he wasn't giving her the time of day. Kae was the type of person he was trying to rid his life of.
Chris also felt like a letdown. He felt like he had let his family down including his crew which was his family at this point. His crew consisted of Tremaine also known as Trey Songz, August Alsina, Hazel, and Alaina. They were his main crew which happened to be linked to April. Trey is the boyfriend of April's best friend Hazel and August is the boyfriend of April's little sister Alaina and he felt like he let each of them down. They didn't have to say anything but he knew they still held some type of resentment towards him from the way he treated and ran April off. Yes years had passed but he knew they all missed her and he was the reason she cut people off and stopped coming around. When it came to April being around she pretty much moved in the shadows.
He felt like he was incapable of real love. It seemed like the women he truly loved he ended up fuckin them over. He loved them and was in love with them but he just couldn't do right by them. Everything was good in the beginning but somewhere in the middle he always managed to drift away and do whatever the fuck he pleased regardless of the consequences. Chris really never had a reason to actually fuck up his relationships he just did. He knew the relationship he had with Rihanna was toxic. Although they both loved each other they weren't good for each other. With April she gave him everything and then some and at the time he came to the conclusion that yes he loved her, was deeply in love with her but he just wasn't ready for all she had to give. He wasn't ready for the love she required and fully deserved.
Chris also felt like he had to do better. He was tired of people talking about his fuck ups. He was tired of being a target and easy prey when it came to social media. The people on social media didn't know him personally yet they felt that they could say whatever the fuck they felt...like his feelings didn't matter not one bit. All he wanted to do was love on his daughter and better himself as a man and father. He was at the point that he wanted no he needed God in his life. He needed some guidance. Besides his crew and his family he was surrounded by yes men and that was no good for him.
He had fucked up bad so bad that the music industry was no longer good to him. Yes he still made great music, still sold records out the ass, and sold out shows but no matter what he did Chris no longer received the accolades that he so rightfully deserved. He fucked up one time and that one time cost him. To him, his personal life had nothing to do with his profession but niggas couldn't let it go and separate the two. At the end of the day he was still making hits, other artist still wanted to work with him, he was still making money, and still working so it was all good but he knew he deserved more when it came to his music. No matter how much good he did it always got overshadowed by one bad thing. It was like the world was against him. So for the sake of his sanity, his daughter, his family, and career he had to do better.
Chris was a God when it came to his music. Many people compared him to the late Michael Jackson. So right about now Chris was in the booth with no pen or paper just pouring out his feelings into the microphone. These days he didn't require a pen or paper he just freestyled and BAM a hit was born. He had gotten so caught up in his emotions that he didn't realize he was crying until his warm tears trickled down his freckled cheeks. He didn't even bother to wipe them away he just continued to put all of what he was feeling into the song that just popped in his head.
By the time he finished the song he dropped to the floor and let everything go. He cried and cried until he couldn't cry anymore. Chris was actually grateful that he was by himself tonight. He needed this night. He knew that after he spoke to April that he had to let go of all his past demons in order to better his self and possibly move on because he was still deeply in love with April. At the end of the Chris wasn't a bad guy he just did some fucked up shit along the way. Honestly everybody had flaws and he was no exception. You live and you learn and he was half way there to bettering himself.
Chris finally gathered himself, sent a silent prayer up to God, and continued to do what he does best...create hits. Although things weren't where he wanted them to be things weren't all that bad either. He was still blessed and he knew it just like he knew it was going to take time to heal completely.
_________________________________________ Happy Reading🤗 -I think this might be the shortest chapter I've written lol -Crazy this chapter has been written for a while now and now he's actually back in some shit...bae can't catch a break for shit! -Talk to me how do you feel bout Chris? He's in his feelings right now. -Feel free to leave feedback and suggestions -Tell a friend to tell a friend 😊
