"I love you god knows I do but I can't do this. I can't. I put up with the phone calls, the text messages, social media, random chicks, not coming home, and everything else. Let alone a baby you conceived by some random chick. I'd be a fool to marry...
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Chapter 37: Alone Dave
Alone I been seating here waiting By the phone (by the phone) Give anything to hear Your tone (give anything) It was all my fault I know Now I just stand here Alone Still remember the day when everything Went wrong Try to think how it would be if you hadn't Gone Away, shoulda made you stay Now I just stand (stand) [Alone: Marques Houston]
Dave had woken up with Millie snuggled deep up under him as if he would vanish into the thin air at any given moment and as much as he thought about it and wanted to he just couldn't. He knew it ate her up inside how they came to be a couple and she low key wondered when karma would kick in but she was still rolling with what she had. Since they had been together because yes they were indeed together any, who since they had been together and currently living under the same roof he had noticed that Kairi was much happier. Or maybe she was faking the funk just like he was. Then again kids didn't fake the funk for anyone so he knew that she was actually happier. Slowly easing her from up under him Dave slid out the bed and went straight to the bathroom. It wasn't the fact that he cared about waking her up but for the simple fact that he didn't feel like hearing her voice or faking the funk to make her happy at the moment. Now granted they did have happy moments but it wasn't what he had with you know who. This is when he had time to reflect on life. You know think about what he had and didn't have. Dave had everything but one thing and it tormented him dearly no matter how hard he tried to shake it.
It was a brand new year and he didn't picture his new year turning out the way it did. When thinking about the holidays in general he didn't see them shared with Millie at all. Once upon a time he did but that was before someone else showed him everything he was missing out on. He was missing out on real true love and happiness but he was rolling with the punches and the cards he was dealt no matter how shitty the hand was because let's face it, it was a shitty hand.
Dave took a piss, flushed behind his self, and went to wash his hands. He had thrown a New Years party at his place for his family and friends kids included. He drunk until he couldn't anymore and smoked until he felt content and still he woke up with no hangover no anything but feeling a serious void...a void in his heart. He had everything going for himself but he still felt incomplete and he knew why. Dave had a roof over his head, an abundance of money, the superficial shit like clothes and cars, and most importantly his family. Shit was good, life was grand, and yet no matter how much he smiled he wasn't happy. The woman in his bed was the one he didn't want. He didn't want any parts of her yet he dealt with her because he would do anything for his lil butt. He'd sacrifice it all for her.
This is not how he pictured bringing in the New Year. He didn't feel like being in his head. Yet here he was standing in front of the mirror thinking about all the what ifs. Why couldn't he wake up with a genuine smile on his face and the woman he loved in his arms? Yes love, because at this point it couldn't be anything but love because he thought about her when he woke up and thought about her before he went to sleep. She even invaded his dreams clouding them with pure love and happiness.
