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Started : O C T 2 2 0 1 6
Ended : ? ? ? ? ? ? ?
~ all compositions are fictional
~ some scenes may trigger any emotional pain
~ this anime does not belong to me.
~ a...
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Sometimes I wonder how it feels to have the full attention of someone. Getting recognized and appreciated, feeling loved without having to doubt whether it's true or not.
I've only ever had experienced love that was only there whenever someone needed me. The I love you's that I get are only for when I gave something to someone.
Then the moment I'm useless they turn away and run.
I could only imagine how wonderful it feels to have someone care for you. That voluntary work of just loving you without asking for it. Without having to make it look like you need their attention, their affection..
To most people it's easy. But for me it takes hard work, effort, and so much more just to get that attention. Just to feel appreciated, it takes me days, weeks to make them realize.. but it never works.
I want to spend time with everyone I care about, even those people that doesn't even remember that I'm here, people who don't remember my birthday, who doesn't say thank you for what I've done.
No matter who they are, I'm still trying to reach them.
"Wakatoshi." I call my boyfriend who was still practicing, it's already 9PM. He continues on with practicing his attack with Shirabu, not evening listening to me. "Ushijima." This time he stops and pays attention to me.
"Is there anything you need?" Why do you make it sound like I always need something? I just want us to head home.
"It's 9PM, are you guys going to continue on with the practice?" I ask, playing with my fingers, looking at the floor to avoid eye contact.
"Yes." He says, I look up and he continued practicing.
I went out to go and cool my head. I kinda want to cry how he doesn't even get how I feel anymore. I just feel like our relationship's so dry now, he spends more time with volleyball than with me.
I get that I'm the manager and we get to spend time because we're in the same club.. But private time, alone time with him.. it just vanished.
It's like we went back to being complete strangers.
I do get why we're like this.. it just hurts to even try to think about it. I know why and how we got together, and that's the only thing that kept us going.. and now it's gone.
