The Drug In Me (Ronnie Radke Love Story)

Wants and Needs

I felt hands crawling up my sides, nails digging into my skin, fingers gripping my flesh. I felt a cold presence above me, putrid breath beating down on me, repugnant cologne wafting into my nose, making it sting and crinkle.

"You'll never be free of me. I'm coming for you, soon" a phantom voice said to me, whispering in my ear and leaning close. Then it was gone and I started screaming.

I sat up with a start, heart pounding, head ringing. "Ronnie! Ronnie!" I yelled, my eyes darting fearfully towards the big, muscular person who was standing by the door with their arms crossed, showing off their impressively huge, inhuman muscles.

They began to walk towards me, hands held out, as if trying to calm me down.

I crawled backwards on the couch, fell off, and hit my bum on the hard floor. I winced as the shooting pain went through my tail bone, and started scooting backwards as the person walked closer.

"R-Ronnie" my voice wavered, catching with fear.

Why was I here? Where was I? And who was this bodyguard-looking person. I started whimpering pathetically whining and rocking myself.

"Miss, Ronnie is at his concert right now" the person said, standing back at the door, obviously realizing that he wouldn't get close to me.

I pulled my knees up, and wrapped my arms around my legs. I began rocking back and forth, whining to myself under my breath, and muttering "Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, I need Ronnie, where is Ronnie."

"Miss, are you alright?" the person asked, taking a step towards me.

"Stay away! Stay away from me! I don't know you, I need Ronnie. Or Jacky, or Ryan, or Ron. I need Ronnie" I said, holding my hands out towards the guy, gesturing him away.

"Miss, he's busy right now. I'm the security guard, he told me to watch over you while he had the show. Why don't you lay back down?" the person-guard, I guess- said, and I shook my head.

"No! I won't lay back down, I don't know you. When is Ronnie gonna get back?" I asked, still rocking.

"His show will be over in a half an hour, why don't you go back to sleep?" the guard insisted, crossing his arms once again.

"No!" I yelled, scooting even farther back until my back hit the wall. I looked around the room, never looking in one place for too long.

My eyes darted around the room, searching everything, mapping everything, and making sure nothing changed. I would have to hide if anyone tried anything on me.

I guess I could try yelling, but Ronnie probably wouldn't hear me over the sound of his songs and fans, so it wouldn't be much use.

I tuned out of what the guard was saying after that. Eventually I gave up on searching the room, because it was making me too scared.

I rocked myself back and forth, whispering to myself, saying "Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie come back. Ronnie. I need Ronnie."

I guess I must have drifted off, because I heard the phantom voice again, felt the phantom person. I knew who it was, it was Him. I felt myself in a road, and I looked up to see a car zooming towards me.

I tried to move out of the way, but to my horror I found out that I couldn't move-I was stuck to the ground! I had a feeling it wasn't real, but it still scared the hell out of me, and my heart was beating fast, pounding against my chest.

But my horror was intensified when I saw Ronnie walking my way. He was walking right in front of me, as if he didn't even see the car! He stood a ways away from me, turning to look at me.

For some reason his speech was altered, and I couldn't hear what he was saying, it was like he was underwater, or in a cave. It looked like he was saying the same thing over and over again, but what? I yelled at him, begging him to move, but its like he didn't hear a word I said.

Then, I made out one sentence of what he was saying. He said "Ryker, you did this to me" he said, and then the car crashed into him.

His body flew up into the air, and I started screaming as I saw it fall to the ground, with blood splattering everywhere.

Ronnie! I covered my face with my arms and braced for the contact of the car running me over, but all I felt was the phantom coldness, and I saw the car combust into little particles, blowing past me without a painful blow.

I found that I could move again, and I crawled over to Ronnie's broken body. Oh Ronnie, what have I done? What have I done?

I started screaming nonstop then. "Ronnie! Ronnie! RONNIE!" I screamed, over and over and over again.

I'm not sure exactly when I moved from dreaming to awake, but I felt hands shaking me, and then the horrific dream-land faded away, leaving me to see the room again.

I blinked and stopped screaming, looking at Ronnie's concerned face. "Ryker, what's the matter?" Ronnie asked me.

And I was so overcome with fear and sadness and joy, that I threw my arms awkwardly around him, jerking him down towards me as my weight weighed him down.

"Ryker, what is it?" Ronnie asked, confused, but he put his arms on my waist softly. He was rather sweaty, but I didn't even care, cause I'd take the sweaty stink of his body over the rancid cologne of Him any and every day.

I started crying, and Ronnie stood up stiffly. I was pulled up because of my death grip around his neck and shoulders.

"Okay Ryker, lets get you back to the bus, shh, it's okay" he told me, soothing me as he walked away. I think he thanked the guard for watching me, but I'm not sure, because I was too busy worrying.

I think the dream was a sign. I was getting mighty close to Ronnie, and I don't think He would like that at all. Would he kill Ronnie? Yes. Would it be my fault? Yes.

Then what should I do? I have to leave Ronnie.....but how can I bear to do it? I have to! If it will save Ronnie, then I will do anything. As long as he's safe, I'll do it. But what if I was wrong? Im not, you know it.

For tonight though, I would let him comfort me, because I was damn terrified from that dream. Ronnie, dead? It would be devastating, I couldn't live like that. Without him, I couldn't do it.

I might as well let Him kill me if Ronnie was gone. But I don't think He would, I think He would lock me up and just barely keep me alive, but prevent me from the relief of death.

Ronnie carried me to the bus, softly singing to me, his chest vibrating against my face. He set me down on the bed and handed me a makeup wipe and one of his big shirts, before walking out of his room.

I wiped my face off, then rubbed my eyes and threw it out. That was all I would do, I was too exhausted for anything else.

I pulled off my pants, and slipped off my shirt before pulling his long shirt down over me. It went to just above my knee, maybe a 3 finger span. It smelled like him.

I sat down on the bed, inhaling the shirt, and waited for Ronnie to come back. He did, with his hair damp, and his face clean. He had on basketball shorts and a Hoods Up brand shirt.

I rubbed my eyes as he got in the bed. He pulled the covers up, and I laid down with him, letting him pull the covers over us. I sighed softly, my eyes burning from crying, and let him cuddle me.

"I'm sorry Ronnie" I said, blushing. How embarrassing, I had spent half an hour rocking back and forth muttering his name over and over again, and now I was here sleeping next to him because I had a nightmare.

"Don't be sorry" he told me, taking a hand to stroke my hair.

Eventually I fell asleep in his arms, haunted by dreams of beloved dead bodies and alarms.