The Drug In Me (Ronnie Radke Love Story)

Discover the Fate

I don't know how long I had been down there, a day? 2 days? A night? I couldn't tell. The light coming from above was so dimmed by whatever was covering my prison that I couldn't tell if it was sunlight or moonlight.

I had discovered a bedpan, but I hadn't found any food or drinks. I was starving, and my throat was so dry that even just breathing in brought tears to my eyes. How much longer until I died? When would I be free of this world?

I still didn't know how Ronnie was. I could only hope that he was safe somewhere, doing a performance and flirting with pretty ladies. I could see him in some town, performing on stage like a badass, with screaming fans dancing and singing along.

It was the only image I had thought of that could help me through the hunger gnawing at my stomach. I hadn't eaten anything in about week, and it was starting to get to me. I can't believe I used to do this to myself on purpose, going weeks on nothing but drinks. Oh what I wouldn't do for a pop-tart now.

I hoped he found someone that loved him as much as I did, but who could love him better than I could. I hope he was happy somewhere. I hope that he found a girl and forgot about me. I hope they all forgot about me. It would be so much easier to die knowing that no one would miss me.

I wish I had appreciated food when I had it. I wish I had appreciated the friends that I had made at Warped. I wish I had spent more time with Janey. I wish I had talked to Ron more. I wish I had laughed with Ryan more. I wish I had taken Jacky up on his offer to teach me guitar. I wish I had chilled with Max more. I wish I had appreciated having Ronnie around more, thanked him for everything, hugged him more. Hell, I wish I had kissed him more. Now that I had lost the chance for that, I realized how lucky I was.

Sure life was hard, but I had had so many opportunities to make it better, to surround myself with people that made me smile, made me laugh till I cried, made my heart flutter and soar, made my stomach do complicated gymnastics tricks. Now I couldn't.

I let myself go a bit, doing nothing but lean against the dirt and live in my imagination. I pretended nothing was real, and I escaped into a wonderland. My body was weak, brittle, but why move around this prison when I could imagine myself strong and lean, racing Ronnie through a field. Who needed real food when I could imagine having a picnic with Ronnie. Why would I talk when I could imagine myself joking around with Max, laughing with Ryan, talking with Jacky, smiling with Ron.

My thoughts were interrupted by a clanking sound from above. I looked up to be blinded by sunlight. I squinted and shielded my eyes with my arms. When I pulled my arms down, I was met with a figure standing right in front of me. Him.

"Hey baby, have you learned your lesson not to fight me?" he asked, staring down at me. There was lust and violence in his eyes. My skin crawled under his gaze, and I shuddered. "W-what happened to Ronnie?" I asked meekly, not daring to look up.

"Ugh, that pussy? He's where he belongs" He told me, crossing his arms. "And where's that?" I asked, trying hard to keep the anger and impatience out of my voice. Last time I was 'sassy' to him, he beat the shit out of me. Of course, he does that anyways...

"He's dead! Now stop talking about him! You don't need him, you have me" He said, angry at me. "D-dead?" I whispered to myself, horrified. My eyes went wide, my face paled, and my heart stopped. Ronnie-Ronnie was dead? "Yes dead, you slow ass bitch. D E A D. 6 feet deep. No breath, no heartbeat, no pulse. Dead!" He said, anger in his voice. Then, He started laughing these giggle-snorts, holding his stomach, his face pulled back into a wide smile.

"Y-you know, t-they, they think y-you killed him! Aha! What a laugh, you couldn't kill anyone" He said through the laughs. He was grinning, his eyes glowing with malice. What He said, He was wrong. I could kill someone. I could kill him, I could kill him right now. If I wasn't so weak and deprived. If I had my muscles, I'd pummel his face in and put him in a headlock. I'd clench my arms until his neck collapsed into itself. I'd squeeze him until his brain exploded in his head. I'd fucking beat him to death, kill him!

"Y-you. You killed Ronnie! He's dead, he's dead because of you!" I screamed, standing up shakily. "No my dear. He died because of you" He told me maliciously, pointing a finger at me. I took a shaky step and then I ran at him, screaming.

I knew of one thing that I was still strong enough to do and make him hurt. I grabbed his crotch and clenched his dick in my fist, and then I squeezed. He screamed in pain, and started pounding on me. I held my grip for as long as I could, squeezing down harder and harder. Then he grabbed a rock and hit me over the head.

I fell down from the force, my head throbbing. I was bleeding from so many places on my head it was a miracle that my brain wasn't oozing out of all the wounds.

I lay still, pretending that he knocked me out. He complained, groaning about how I was a bitch. I didn't care, I had hurt him. I had finally hurt him!

He climbed up the ladder and shut me back into darkness. I didn't care. I only cared about one thing. And part of that one thing was gone now.

Ronnie, was he really dead? Had I killed Ronnie?