The Drug In Me (Ronnie Radke Love Story)

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I heard footsteps, and I jumped, panicking a bit. What if he thought I was creeping through his phone? Shit!

I scrambled into the hallway and made my way to the hall leading to the bunks, sighing in relief when I saw that it was just Ryan who was walking out.

I walked into Ronnie's room and held the phone out. "You left your phone, err, here" I said, blushing.

Shit, why didn't I think this through? Now he's going to think I'm some obsessive, possessive, over-protective girl who creeps his posts and stalks all of his social medias, breaks into his phone and looks through all his stuff, and he's going to kick me out, and I'm going to be alone, and, and, and-

"Oh, thanks" he said, taking the phone from my hands and putting it in his pocket, not even looking up.

Of course he didn't freak out, he's Ronnie for fucks sake! You're just being paranoid, it's all okay, and it's gonna be okay for the rest of your life. The bad is gone, the bad is gone, the bad is gone, He is gone.

"You're ugly"

No!

"No one will love you"

No, stop!

"Ronnie just wants your body, he doesn't love you"

No, no shut up!

"Ronnie will never love you"

No, stop! Thats not true, fucking shit, it's not! He loves me, he does love me, he does! I know he does, he told me! He does love me, why else would he be here still, after all that has happened?

He got hit by a car for me, he nearly got shot, for me! He loves me!

I hit my head with my hands and pulled at my face, dragging it down. Shut up, everyone shut up!

"Babe, you okay?" Ronnie's voice drifted into my ears, and I took my hands from my face and blushed, embarrassed. I was losing my mind....

"Yeah, I'm fine" I said, sighing and playing with my fingers. Ronnie walked around the bed and pulled me into his arms, holding me close. I buried my face in his chest and breathe in deeply, smelling him and letting his smell, his touch, calm me.

"You're safe now, no more hurting, no more pain. Just good things Ry" he murmured into my hair, his chest vibrating as he spoke. I wrapped my arms around him and sighed, closing my eyes and trying to empty my mind of everything but Ronnie. Ronnie was all that mattered..

I forced a smile and pulled away. "Im good, Im good" I said, holding back the tears. I thought I was doing better, I thought I was getting better!

But after the high of learning that He was being imprisoned wore off, I was back to the way I was before. Just because He could no longer physically hurt me doesn't mean everything that He ever said and did wouldn't haunt me forever.

I would never really be free of Him. Because a part of Him resided in my very mind, in my memories, in the biting voices, in the fear. And it would last forever.

"One day that smile will be 100% real. Now come on, we're going out" Ronnie said, ruffling my hair and grabbing my hand, pulling me out of the bus.

How could Ronnie know me so well, read me so easily? It's like he could read my mind just by looking at my face. It was unsettling, but oddly nice. Like I finally found someone who understood me and could tell everything about me. I wonder if that's what people mean when they talk about soul mates.

Aww fuck, I need to stop. Im being way too obsessive....

Ronnie pulled me under his arm and then leaned down and picked up my legs, carrying me. I giggled and grinned, throwing my arms around him.

No matter what happened, as long as I had him, I would be okay.

He carried me through the crowds, and then came to a stop in a clear meadow, not a tree in sight. There were little flowers, but the grass was short and the wind made the flowers wave hello to us.

There was a little blanket laid out, and a few people were standing around.

I recognized Max and Jacky.

They laid out some food and then bowed to us poshly, and I giggled, giddy with happiness. Ronnie let me down and we sat on the blanket. Max and Jacky left, waving goodbye.

Ronnie and I sat and ate, then we laid down and just talked for a while, playing with each others fingers and cuddling into each other.

No matter what happened, Ronnie could always make me smile.