The Drug In Me (Ronnie Radke Love Story)

Defending

I lay all day, contemplating what He had said. After I was done crying and mulling over what He said Jacky had said, I tried to focus on what I could do to make Him not hurt Jacky or the others.

I was in no position to bargain with him. If I asked Him not to hurt them, then He would no doubt hold it over my head and hurt them to spite me. But if I played it too cool He would hurt them and claim that I didn't care. God damnit, what was I supposed to do then? How could I keep them safe, how could I protect them?

I tried to think of something, anything, that could possibly work. I don't know what I should do, could I do? I was really torn up, I couldn't find an answer. How could I save Jacky? I couldn't save Ronnie, but damnit I would do everything I could to save Jacky. I had to do something.

When night came I thought through the possible things that I could say. Something cautious, something vague just to see how He reacted before I actually came out and said it.

I heard His telltale footsteps, and my heart beat along with the click of His heeled boots. I was terrified, but I knew that I had to try, I had to try. For Ronnie. I couldn't save Ronnie from Him, but I could damn right try and save Jacky.

I heard Him come down and I closed my eyes, summoning all of my courage. I would do everything I could to save Jacky. I had to. I owed it to them. And beyond that, I wanted to. I wanted them to be okay, I needed them to be okay.

I felt His eyes on me, and I didn't know what to do all of a sudden. It was like I was sent back to the first time He had taken me. I had screamed so much that He had tied my mouth shut with His tie. After that He would tie me to the bed so that I couldn't fight back.

He had seemed upset about it, first begging me to be quiet, to be still, to not say a word. But then, He had turned violent, smacking me across the face and getting in my face, gritting His teeth and yelling at me to shut up, to sit still, or else He would hurt me. But He hurt me either way.

"W-why don't you stay down here with me" I asked Him, nervous. If He stayed down here, then I would be subject to 24/7 torture, but then that would mean I was the only one around Him. If He stayed down here with me, He wouldn't be able to hurt Jacky, or the others.

He looked at me in confusion, and looked down at me in malicious joy, sneering. "Oh please you stupid little slut, Id kill you if I had to be around you for more than a few hours at a time" He said to me. I admit, I hated Him, but it kind of hurt to hear that. Even the guy who stalked and kidnapped me didn't want to be around me? Ouch.

"C-couldn't you try? I-I don't mind if you kill me, I d-deserve it" I replied, sitting up on my knees and looking at Him. He scoffed and rolled His eyes, then looked at me in almost pity. "Dear dear dear, you are even more pathetic than usual. I know I'm just an appealing person and all, but really whore, you don't think that I could actually like you for more than a few moments? You're such a stupid little slut" He said to me, sneering and kicking me. I fell to the ground on weak arms and coughed.

How could it be that He was actually hurting me by saying this? I didn't want him to like me, I wanted Him to be indifferent to me, or to despise me. That way He never would have taken me, or at-least have killed me by now. Not kept me in his fucking pit underground trapped till the end of my days.

I gave up on that approach-it was clear that He wouldn't stay down here with me. I tried to think of another way. I couldn't think of anything except one thing, something very risky. It was a bold move, but I couldn't think of another way.

"You know, if I lose everyone I care about, I'll have no reason to carry on" I causally said, proud of myself for not stuttering. He raised an eyebrow at me and walked closer. "Is that a threat?" He said warningly, and I shuddered.

"J-just a speculation" I responded, trying not to look at Him. I knew I would crumble soon, I was scared shitless. He stomped over to me and grabbed me by the hair, pulling me upwards. I cried out in pain, my head jerked backwards. "IS THAT A THREAT?" He yelled in my face, slamming me against the wall. I whimpered, but said nothing.

"Don't you ever think that you have any sort of advantage, any sort of power over me. You have nothing, YOU ARE NOTHING" He sneered at me, dropping me to the ground. I fell to my knees and shuddered in pain and exhaustion.

"Now now now, look what you've done to Jacky. I really didn't want to do this, he's such a nice guy, but now you've gone and made me have to. You've gone and pushed my arm behind my back" He said, sneering at me. I paled and started to shake. I-I, I've gone and made him mad. No! No, He couldn't hurt Jacky, I couldn't let Him.

I shook my head. "Don't touch him" I said, leaning over and pulling myself up to shaky arms and knees. "Don't touch him," I repeated, using the wall to pick myself up, "Don't even lay a finger on Jacky, or any of them!"

As I said this, I gathered all the strength in my body and ran at Him, pushing off the ground and shoving into Him. He grunted, but I managed to slam Him against the wall. I was so surprised that it worked, that I had moved him, that I didn't know what to do next, I just stood there shocked.

He grabbed me, and I felt His anger, and His muscle, as it compressed my sides. It felt like He was snapping each of my ribs and making me concave inwards. I took a shaky breath, unable to get air to my lungs, and He threw me against the wall. The hard, rocky surface pushed into my body, making it burn with pain. Then, my head slammed across the wall, hitting right into a slab of rock in the dirt.

I cried in pain, my sight vanishing, my head starting to bleed and pound. I crumbled to the ground, my body convulsing.

I heard Him laugh above me. "Weak, pathetic whore" He said to Himself, and I heard Him leave.

I couldn't get up, I just lay there convulsing, unable to see anything.

Then, I lay still.