The Drug In Me (Ronnie Radke Love Story)

Broken

*This chapter will get semi-graphic, finally describing in grimy detail some of what 'He' does to her*

My eyes flutter, but I try my best not to open them. The sooner I open them the sooner I have to face the day, and I don't think I can do that anymore, not with knowing what will always happen at the end of every bloody day. There's no easing this pain because there's no preventing it. It's an inescapable truth, a true horrific reality.

I sat up in bed, running my hands across my face, pulling my hair harshly away from my head, yanking on it. What did I do for this? Why is this my life? Why? Why? Just fucking why?

Don't I deserve an answer? If I have to live like this don't I at least deserve to know why? Shouldn't I at least know why this is all happening? I stiffly stretch and stand up.

I try not to move too much, but even with my minimal movement the cuts re-open and start to bleed again. "Shit" I mutter under my breath and quickly stuff a bunch of tissues to absorb the blood. I had run out of bandages a long time ago.

It's been 2 months.

I put on deodorant and change my shirt, wincing at the painful effort required. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to do this; soon I won't even be able to move at all without crying out.

I scurried out of the bus quickly, ignoring the stinging pain as I briskly walked to the merch tent. I sat down on the chair and started absentmindedly rearranging the different items, waiting for the first string of fans to come rushing by.

The day went by in a blur, today blending with the last, and the last before that, and the last before that. It was different, but the same. The only thing that changes really is the increase in my terror, and the increase in pain. Bruises upon bruises, cuts upon cuts, tears taking the trek of many before them.

When would this end?

The Sun began to set, and I hurriedly closed off the tent, locking the merch away and un-clipping the flaps, letting them fall loose over the opening. I was gonna be late, I had to hurry up or I'd get more than usual, and the usual was already way too much to handle.

But somebody grabbed my arm. At first I thought it was Him, and I rushed to apologize, but the grip was too gentle to be his. I turned around and saw the one man, besides Him, that I didn't want to see.

Ronnie.

"Hey, how are you? Wow, you've been busy huh?" He spoke with a friendly smile on his face.

It was dark, so he couldn't see how ghastly I'd gotten. "Uh, hi, hey uh, Ronnie. Yeah, sorry, but I uh actually have to go, its really important, so.." I tried to pull away, but I couldn't.

I mentally cursed myself, knowing that he may not be able to see me, but he could feel the weakness in my limbs. I wasn't weak before, so he would definitely know that I was different.

"You've lost your muscle...Ry, what's going on?" My heart cracked when his lips uttered his nickname for me. I was not the Ry he knew, not anymore.

"Look Ronnie, I really have to go I'm late I gotta go," I insisted, and he let go of me finally. I ran away quickly, rushing towards the outskirts of the sets, till I was far far away from all of the buses and people.

When I got to the edge of the Warped Tour zone, my heartbeat increased rapidly, starting to get scared. I knew I would be punished for being late, but how exactly would depend on what kind of a day he had. If he had a good day it'd be horrible, if he had a bad day....I don't even want to think of it.

He got pleasure out of everything, I got only pain and bad feelings. I think it bothered him that I never got hot for him or anything. He repulsed me to the point of denying him even the simplest of physical releases. Whenever he was done with me, he'd be happy, but also angry and frustrated.