The Drug In Me (Ronnie Radke Love Story)

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****I wanted to thank all of you because you honestly make me so happy and that's amazing and your comments make me smile an I just, you people are so wonderful thank you so much****

I had been in the hospital for almost a week, and no one had really bothered me about John. So I was hoping I wouldn't have to face Him. But of course, I was wrong.

Morgan looked like he didn't know how to say it, so he just sighed and said "I know that you don't want to have to do this, but it's the only way to be sure that John will be convicted. You don't have to do it, it's your choice, but I would recommend that you do it"

Spencer nodded and said "The judge has requested that you testify in court that John is the one who hurt you"

My heart stopped. My body stiffened. Everything was still, expect for my mind, which was obsessively, wildly, crazily running in overdrive. I was simultaneously reliving all the times I had been with Him, and imagining how the court would go. He would grab the judges hammer thing and pound my head in, and everyone would watch and do nothing. A-and then Ronnie would admit that he never loved me all this time, and I would die and-

"Ry, just breathe babe, just breathe" Ronnie said, pulling me down from my thoughts. I took deep breaths, terrified. I squeezed Ronnie's hand so tight I was actually worried it might hurt him, but I couldn't stop myself.

"I-I c-can't" I whimpered, but even as I spoke I knew that I would have to. If I didn't then John might be released or His time might be shortened or something would happen and it would haunt me forever. I had to do it. Just one last time, one last time and then I could finally be done with Him. My body was trembling, shivers sent down my spine, and my eyes were tearing up. I was a spineless little shit, I couldn't do anything. Especially not around Him......

"Ronnie can be in the court, but you won't be able to speak with him until after. And he will have to sit behind you in the witness area. And when you approach the podium, you will have to go alone" Morgan explained, and I started shaking my head.

No, no I couldn't possibly do this without Ronnie. Even with Ronnie, it would be terribly difficult, but without Ronnie, I would be reduced to a crying storm of trembles and shaking, I wouldn't be able to talk, nonetheless walk and clearly tell the judge that John was the fucking one who did it to me. I had been saying this all along! Why did I have to say it again? In front of Him?

"I can see if we can make an exception for you, but the rule is that you have to do it alone, just to make sure it's what you want and that no one is affecting what you say or do" Spencer explained, looking at me apologetically.

I could understand why it might be a good idea in some cases, but I couldn't do it on my own. I needed Ronnie, I needed him more than anything else. I'd take losing oxygen over losing Ronnie, any and every time.

No one could do it quite like Ronnie.

It was terrifying, but instead of letting the fear take over, I thought of how wonderful Ronnie made me feel, like I was something worthwhile, like I was beautiful, lovely, and worth it. I let it lift me up, fill me with excited ecstatic joy, rather than pull me under in fear.

He was sitting here, holding my hand, and in this moment, it was all I needed. I nodded to Spencer and Morgan, and they stood over my bed. I sat up and Morgan hugged me. Spencer went to shake my hand but I shook my head laughing and I pulled him into a hug.

They would come back to pick me up in a few days. The court date was set to be on October 4th, in 3 days. And my doctor said in a few weeks I could get out of the hospital. He said I was lucky, the first bullet had just barely missed my lungs, and there was no severe internal damage, just a few bruised ribs and some ruptured blood vessels that they had fixed in surgery.

The bullet that grazed my shoulder tore off a few layers of skin down to the muscle, but the doctor said it was healing nicely. At the latest, I would be released in one month.

Ronnie told me that I had been rushed to surgery as soon as I arrived. He said I was in there for 4 hours, and then I was unconscious for a day and a half. He had stayed in that chair next to my bed the whole time.

It sort of got me to thinking, just about how wonderful Ronnie was, and how much time he spent on taking care of me and watching over me. It was a comforting thought to know that after all this time, all these years, I finally got someone who took care of me and cared about me, really cared.

I snapped out of my thoughts and turned to find Ronnie staring at me, a slight smile on his face.

I leaned over, grabbed his face in my hands, and kissed him. He was caught off guard, surprised, but after a moment he kissed me back. I pulled him onto the bed and kissed him fervently.

I tangled my hands in his hair, pulling and tugging and kissing him, trying to make him understand how happy I was to have him, how thankful I was for all that he had done.