The Drug In Me (Ronnie Radke Love Story)

Bonus Chapter 8

****thanks for all the feedback so far my dearies <3 if you have any requests for a character you would like to hear from, then let me know****

*Ronnie*

I gave up on trying to find out where I was. Gave up on resisting. I just let the memories overcome me, consuming me, pulling me into the past and showing me my life. I let them become all I saw.

The biggest scare I had in my life before Ryker was when I overdosed and almost died. That was the scariest thing I had ever gone through.

Prison seemed like it would be scarier at first, but it wasn't so bad once I was there. It gave me time to focus, to get stronger and find myself, the real me, the me I wanted to be. It helped me decide to be clean. It gave me time to write songs and lift weights. It wasn't all that bad. The bad part about it wasn't being in jail itself, but just the fact that I had to go to jail.

Overdosing was terrifying. I thought it was the most terrifying thing I could experience.

But then I met Ryker, and everything changed. My whole world changed because of her.

Losing her became the most terrifying thing I could go through.

Now, not knowing how she is, where she is, if she's alive, that's the scariest thing I've had to go through, have to go through. Would I ever know if she was okay?

Would I ever see her beautiful face again, see her hair flying about her head crazily, driving her mad? Would I ever hear her laugh nervously because I was too close to her?

Would I ever feel her thin frame cuddled against me at night when she was so scared she trembled? Would I?

Would I ever feel her touch, feel her lips on mine? Would I ever feel her hands tangle in my hair? Would I ever feel her fingers sift through the tips of my hair? Would I ever feel her tug on them, pull my hair?

Would I ever hear her breathe deeply because I made her nervous? Would I ever feel her heart hammering against her chest when I lay close to her, held her?

Would I?

I missed her. I missed her everything.

I missed her voice, calling out for me when she had a panic attack and when she thought I was gone. I missed her smile when she gazed at me when she thought I didn't see.

I missed her hair, tickling my skin when she hid her face in my chest in the early morning, not wanting to get out of bed. I missed her hands, clenched and clutching to my shirt when she was scared.

I missed when she would stare at me when I took off my shirt to put on a shirt for bed.

I missed her lips crashing against mine. I just missed her.

I missed when she would bite her lip to hold back from telling me something, or doing something with me. I missed her blush when she was on the sink and I was standing between her legs, so close that I could count the freckles on her nose.

I missed when she would look away like just seeing me drove her crazy. I missed when she would scream my name when she was terrified and wanted no one around her but me.

I remember the security guard from one concert telling me that she had woken up while I was on stage and leaned against the wall, saying my name over and over again, wanting me. That made me so insanely happy, I had grinned and jumped up in the air.

I miss when she would talk to me. I miss when her eyes would drift to look at me even though she tried so hard to not to look. I miss when she would unknowingly, uncontrollably lean towards me, as if she were a piece of iron and I was a magnet.

I miss when I could tell that she liked me, loved me even. I miss when I got to see her. I miss hearing her breathing at night in my arms. I miss when she slept calmly with me, not having night terrors or nightmares.

I miss when she would press herself closer to me in her sleep, clutching me as if I was the only thing that mattered to her.

I miss being around her. I miss stumbling over my lines, unable to act smooth because she drove me crazy. I miss when my heart would beat so much I thought it might explode, all because she was close to me.

I miss when she would hug me randomly, nervous and embarrassed that she had been unable to keep herself from me.

I miss when I would hear her say my name quietly, as if just saying my name calmed her down. I miss when she would let me help her. I miss when I would hear her gasp and sigh when I took her hand and held it to pull her to the bus.

I miss when she would blush and stutter around me, nervous to be near me.

I miss her.