Matters | JENSOO

The river bank

For the next few day, Jennie has been asking Jisoo to pick her up at 8 in the morning and they will have breakfast together. Jisoo starts to skip breakfast before going to work. She will only have a glass of milk.

After breakfast, Jennie usually takes Kuma for a walk or to play date with other dogs at the dog park. Some other time, she visits the busy neighborhood, Hongdae. Jennie will just strolling around, she will stop by to play the arcade games, try out the street food and look around to shop random stuff. If they are lucky, they run into random busking or other interesting street performances.

She always try to take Jisoo with her to do things together. They aren't exactly comfortable to be around each other. Jisoo will still distance herself from Jennie. Instead of making effort to start or hold a conversation, she prefers to be silent. If Jennie takes Kuma for a walk, most of the time she stays inside the car. When they are at Hongdae, Jisoo will follow Jennie from behind. They oftentimes ride in silence. But she is nothing but being polite to Jennie.

Jennie doesn't mind because things feel just natural. Even though she wants to talk more with Jisoo and to have Jisoo close to her all the time, she understands. Even for her, she still feels the tension coming from herself. It isn't easy. It has been a year and things didn't end well for them. Even though it's not ideal, right now she is happy with how it's going, she just wants to enjoy Jisoo's company. She doesn't want to rush things out or to force herself to Jisoo.

However, on rare occasions, Jisoo will lose her guard down and she will make some funny remarks. She will talk to Jennie not with her polite tone, but she will do it like how it was before, when they were still friends. At times like these, for Jennie, it feels like Jisoo is enjoying her company too. She feels like she is wanted and that makes her happy. It's like Jennie is scraping for these moments from time to time.

The more days they've spent together, the closer they get and the more things they talk with and know about each other. Jennie started to skip summer parties. Friends been asking her out couple of times, but she wants Jisoo to take her home everyday and spends the evening in the traffic instead of the club. She wants to wake up early so she can go at 8 and have her breakfast.

But what's bothering Jennie is, every time Jisoo starts to come out of her shell, Jisoo will quickly hold back. Jennie noticed this habit of Jisoo to be silent and unresponsive to the conversation after she had a good laugh with Jennie. Or when the conversation gets interesting. Or when they walk side by side comfortably for too long.

It's like the closer they get, the more distant Jisoo becomes. Feels like the last night at the basecamp is haunting Jennie. Whenever Jennie feels like she is at the top of her happiness, Jisoo is shifting away from her. Jennie will try to push her way closer, but Jisoo will shift away. It's like there is an invisible wall she builds between her and Jennie.

Sometimes they will just sit in silence and Jennie will find Jisoo staring at her. Jisoo doesn't even realize that she's been staring at Jennie. Most of the time, Jennie can't read her expression, it's like she's zoning out but she happens to look at Jennie's direction. But occasionally Jennie could see puzzling look on her face, like she's searching for answers in Jennie. Rarely -and probably Jennie is mistaken, see finds a hint of desire there, followed by pain. Whatever it is that Jisoo is thinking, it always reminds her of Rosé's question to her the other day: what are you gonna do to Jisoo, Jennie?

Right now, sitting side by side at the river bank, they were watching people passing by in silence. Each had an ice cream in their hand. The summer breeze was blowing their hair delicately. Felt like time had stopped ticking. Jennie wanted the time to stop ticking. She took a glance at Jisoo, and Jisoo turned her head at Jennie. They exchanged looks for a while and then without saying anything they shifted their gazes back to the passers by. When they had finished their ice cream, they waited for some time and then they went back to the car. Jisoo was taking her home.

This habit of them had been going around for more than two weeks. Jisoo noticed that she hadn't been fired yet so far.