Matters | JENSOO

Who is Jisoo? A throwback

That evening, Jisoo went home and prepared dinner with her father. Dinner itself was a quiet one, the sound of the television took over the room. Her dad glanced a few times before he was finally asking a question. It was gentle and careful.

"Did she hurt you?"

Jisoo kept on feeding herself as if she heard nothing. It was only a minute later that she answered with a weak nod.

"If it hurts, she probably worth it."

That was the last line of the night between the father and the daughter. Jisoo nodded once again, thinking how ironic it was to hear it from her father.

                    ***

[Jisoo 7 years old]

She woke up from the loud bang, it was the front door again. Soon after, she heard her parents argued.

It had been months like this; door slammed, mom cried, dad yelled and little Jisoo was alone. She hugged her rabbit toy tighter, trying to get back to sleep. It was dark in her room, but felt like all her senses were occupied with the noises from outside her fortress.

She'd taught herself not to cry, at least not in front of her parents. Or even Lisa. It's no use, she told herself. Being weak is no use...

The argument was getting bigger, Jisoo could't remember the last time they were this enraged. She decided to get out of her bed.

Tiptoeing to the dining room, Jisoo made her presence unnoticed. She saw her father sitting with his head buried in his hands. Her mother crying and shouting words she couldn't comprehend.

"I'm leaving..." Her mother said.

Those were words Jisoo could understand, but still couldn't comprehend.

"We can fix this..."

Her father's words seemed weak. And he looked scared.

Her father was supposed to be the strongest man alive, Jisoo had seen him carrying big boxes like they were nothing. This man in front of her didn't feel like her father at all.

And she blamed him for being weak that night.

                    ***

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. She wondered when her mother would finally be home.

Lisa knew that her mother had left her and her father; and she tried to offer Jisoo comfort. But the concept seemed strange to Jisoo. It was always the other way around. She protected Lisa from bullies, she even protected Lisa from her own mistakes. She couldn't count how many times she had swapped her homework book with Lisa's because Lisa didn't finish her homework. Jisoo took the punishment for Lisa; and the idea of sharing her pain with the one she protected was too much for her.

So Jisoo just silently nodded every time Lisa asked her if she was okay. They were kids and they didn't know exactly what to do, so Lisa just did what she could do. She shared her lunchbox everyday with Jisoo. Since her mother left, Jisoo's lunch had been dry and colorless and this small gesture from Lisa was the foundation of their unbreakable friendship.

                    ***

Drinking somehow had become her father's habit. He would forget to pick Jisoo up from school. At first, she would go to Lisa's home after school, but slowly, she figured out how to go home by herself.

Mornings weren't the best time either. Sometimes, her father was too wasted to even make her lunchbox, let alone to take her to school. So she made herself her lunchbox and taught herself which bus to take to school.