Matters | JENSOO

See right through me

"This is the coffeehouse from where I usually get you your favorite coffee..." Jennie tried to start a conversation. She took Jisoo to the coffeehouse near the university; Jisoo had been too quiet and it made her nervous.

"Jennie, why don't you find us a table. I will make an order."

"I took you here... Can I buy instead?"

"Please?"

Jennie nodded and went to find a table for them.

***

Jennie undid a few buttons of her shirt to expose her chest. She played with her necklace nervously, trying to make it sat comfortably on her neck.

A few minutes later, Jisoo came with two cups of coffee. Jennie thanked her before they fell into a complete silent.

"Jisoo..."

It was strange, really.

Even in that moment, Jennie had butterflies in her stomach. Regardless of what they'd been through last night, her feelings stayed just the same. Having Jisoo here with her felt right; it comforted her. It felt like she hadn't been crying all night, as if the pain she had was somehow endurable.

She wondered if Jisoo felt the same, she was desperate for Jisoo to feel the same.

"Jisoo," she called her again, "Please... Can you look at me?"

Jisoo was hesitant at first but she finally brought her dejected eyes to meet Jennie's. Her gaze then fell on the necklace that Jennie was wearing.

"It's yours." Jennie said softly.

"It's mine?" Jisoo looked surprised, her eyes eagerly explored the locket that was sitting on Jennie's chest.

Jennie could see that Jisoo was trying to hide her reaction, but it was obvious that she couldn't contain herself from looking. For the first time that day, Jennie saw a glimpse of happiness in her. Jisoo looked content and satisfied, her eyes were sparkling. Still examining the necklace, Jisoo tilted her head and her ashen face was now slitting beaming.

Jisoo looked pure and it was a beautiful sight, but the same sight hurt Jennie like she was having another cut on top of a fresh wound. Surely Jisoo had planned a different scenario to give her the locket. Surely it wasn't a Christmas gift. It drove her crazy that Jisoo didn't have the chance to explain herself about the locket. All those things she kept to herself and all the ghosts she kept on the back of her mind... Jennie realized that she knew so little about Jisoo and her choices.

"It's beautiful, Jisoo," her voice was cracking, "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever received from someone. It's too beautiful that I don't feel like I deserve it..."

"You deserve it. No... You deserve... something better."

That was the saddest tone and line Jennie had ever heard from her.

"I don't want better. I like what I see." Jennie said it weakly.

Jennie tried to reach for Jisoo's hand but the girl gently put her hand off the table, still looking at her cup with a distant stare.

Jennie was desperate to touch Jisoo and to make sure that, despite of her cold shoulder, warmth was all that she had for Jennie; and probably to deceive her heart for a moment that Jisoo was indeed hers.

"Jisoo, please talk to me..." Jennie begged, letting her desperation known. She wanted Jisoo more than anything.

Never had she been in this situation. It was always the other way around. Last time, it was Kai begging and it felt good.