Matters | JENSOO

Jisoo's thought

She was sorry.

She was sorry for the girl that lived in a mansion, that had her future figured out; the girl who belonged to a complete different world than hers.

The girl that once hired her as a driver.

She wondered what made the girl ticked. She wondered so many times and the riddle was consuming her; frustrated at the fact that it wasn't exact: that it wasn't the answer she could extract from an observation.

So she traced back, looking for that simple mistake that made her long derivation didn't compute. It's always as simple as a forgotten minus sign before a digit.

But her heart violently disagreed.

Jennie doesn't feel like a mistake. Falling for her doesn't seem like a mistake. Adoring her, wanting her, letting her mere presence taking her breath away; they aren't mistake.

She's surely my enigma, but never a mistake.

But it didn't add up. She and Jennie didn't add up. Two opposite poles indeed attracted, but they needed to be separated in order for things to work out. For world to go round.

She questioned herself if she wasn't irresistible; doesn't she know that even when she hurts me, gets mad at me, gives me silent treatment; does she even know that I can't help myself but to adore her?

Her mind went back to when her breath was caressing the other girl's face. She was almost sure that Jennie had held her breath; felt like she was breathing for the both of them. It was close, too close for their weak hearts could take.

The faint smell of her lotion had her drunken; sweet and urging. Her skin, her lips, her feline eyes, her jaws, her sharp intake of breath, her hair... How could someone even be prettier up close?

She didn't know where she got the courage to lay her hand on her cheek. It was soft it stung. The contact stung a lot and the venom was spreading across her whole body and it only got worse when the younger girl rubbed her cheek on her hand.

Intoxicated. Drunk. Hypnotized. She was.

But what came after was fear. Indecision. Doubt. You name it.

She saw her there, as breath-taking as ever; how did she end up there? When did exactly she give me this special access to her glorious life?

She was sorry for the girl who never knew how it felt to have just enough.

What funny was, all this time she thought that, when she practically had nothing, she inevitably would be scared of nothing. Not even failing. But what if it was the girl you cared the most that you were about to fail?

She thought she would never be troubled by the glittering facade of the people distant away; they would never be a part of her life anyway. Until Jennie came into her life. And she found herself cared. She found herself conscious of the people of the Jennie kind; of what they had, how they lived, where they put they worth at.

It was like when Eve took that forbidden fruit of knowledge, she realised she was naked this whole time. It always started with wanting. Then, everything went down quickly. The knowledge of the sweet taste had opened your eyes. You're in fact, naked. As for Jisoo, the knowledge injected insecurity and vulnerability into her veins.

She felt sorry for the girl that once called her home; once when they were sitting side by side by the river, innocently enjoying the stir of the wind from the tail of summer. It was when the sunset hit its perfect figure and the girl she cared the most told her that she was beautiful. Her tears were dried by then. The ache was gone. What left were hearts that anticipated.

She was sorry for her, because tonight she deserved what she wanted, but she couldn't get it. She was sorry because the girl deserved better and she wished she was someone better.

She felt sorry because she just wanted to live simply.

And perhaps, to love simply.