Matters | JENSOO

Don't fight alone anymore

Jennie cupped Jisoo's face with both of her hands, she rested her forehead against Jisoo's. They stayed silent, all they could hear was each other's pacing breath.

After sometime, Jennie left another kiss on the side of Jisoo's lips; with one hand still cupping her face, she took Jisoo's hand and she kissed it.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you." Jennie said with a brittle voice.

She wrapped her arms around Jisoo, trying to feel her body as much as she could because tomorrow she knew she wouldn't have it in her arms anymore, "You have no idea how excruciating these past weeks had been for me..."

"Jennie...." Jisoo was trying to say something.

"I've missed you... I think I went crazy at some point..." Jennie whispered.

Jennie continued, "You kissed me back. I thought... I thought you have given up on me. It terrified me... But you kissed me back..."

Unconsciously Jennie's tears were falling down, she swallowed down her sob, but Jisoo noticed that her shoulder was warmly soaked.

"Jennie? Are you crying? Did I hurt you?"

Jisoo broke their hug, she observed Jennie's face with worry and she wiped her tears gently. It was too gentle, something that Jennie thought she didn't deserve from that girl, a strangled sob escaped her lungs. She broke down and she cried even more.

"No... Jennie, please don't cry.... I'm sorry... I'm sorry, okay?"

"Stop apologizing to me," Jennie said as she wiped her tears harshly. She didn't want to appear to be weak in front of Jisoo. Not tonight.

She continued, "I've done terrible things to you. I'm sorry..."

It was a heartsick apology and Jisoo was utterly confounded. Jennie then cupped her face again and she kissed her on the cheek, leaving a trail of her tears, "I didn't know that I have caused you so much pain. For every beautiful things you have given me, I didn't realized how much you had sacrificed..."

"Jennie... I'm okay...." Jisoo clearly had no idea what Jennie was talking about, "Is this about my birthday present? It's not like you demanded it from me. I was willing to give it to you. I wanted you to have it..."

"No... You don't understand... Stop taking it all up on you..." Jennie shook her head vigorously, her words full of compassion, her thumbs rubbing the girl's face gently, "I'm here for you. We have to share all the burden. I want this relationship to work as much as you do. But I realized I was so clueless. I... I've made it as if it was all about me... And when I thought you didn't do what I expected you to do, instead of trying to discern the meaning behind your words and your actions... I pushed you even harder... I kept on pushing you until you hit the wall. Alone... Unnoticed... Perhaps you even blame yourself..."

Jisoo's face was suddenly changed. It was true, she had blamed herself all this time. She really thought it was all on her. For a moment she looked vulnerable; and behind this composure she always maintained, there was something fragile that probably had been badly damaged at some parts.

And Jennie knew she had something to do with it.

Her heart was slit by a very sharp object that night, seeing Jisoo like this. This sight of Jisoo hurt even the most delicate part of her heart and it ached every inch of her body.

"I was with Kai okay?" Jennie now talked faster, "I was with him and you know what I've realized? I realized that... I was being selfish... I don't actually want him... I don't even want to revenge on him. If only I realized it sooner... All the affection I had for him years ago, it's nothing compared to what I have for you... It's not even close to what I have for you... And this time I'm sure about it... Jisoo, please listen to me..."