Matters | JENSOO

Internal monologue: Jennie

I can still see the stars; though the sky was pitch black, though now I'm lying down on my bed with my eyes closed.

Like the flowers to the field, stars to the sky and your being to my soul; this is meant to be. And my heart vowed for this.

I don't understand why you held your breath at the last second, why you made me wait for something that eventually didn't come.

Why didn't you kiss me?

Weren't you craving for it too?

Maybe I have already known you well, maybe I have already adjusted my impatient self to your careful pace; or maybe because I saw a mark of doubt in your eyes as I opened mine; it was swallowing up your desire and your boldness. Your usual self.

What is it, Jisoo? You want me too, don't you? Were you thinking of your options?

Am I being too confident that I feel like it wasn't them; it wasn't any of them. It's us that you're doubtful about. Torn between what you should do and what you want to do.

So instead, we were drawing stars on the night canvas with our imagination; up to the sky we stared. Hearts were pounding, breath still heavy and hands still holding.

You didn't let go.

So I decided my hand was yours for the night. My heart was yours as much as you let yourself to claim it.

As much as I crave for more, as much as we have hurt each other in the past and as much time as you need; I will wait.

Please assure your heart.

For there's no way for me to turn back. Because tonight, I've dived deeper from wanting your attention to wanting your body.

I'm scared too.

I'm scared I'm on the verge of wanting your heart.

I'm scared that I might fall.

***