The Captain & Coyote (John Price Romance)

Chapter 89 - Sun & Snow

(Songs for this chapter
Roslyn - ST. VINCENT & BON IVER
Daylight - DAVID KUSHNER
Floorboards - NOAH HENDERSON)

PRICE POV

I can feel her fingers trying to get out of my grasp, but all it does is make my grip naturally tighten.

"Aliya." I huff out as I force my eyes to open.

She's sitting up in bed trying to pull her hand out of mine. I can feel she's shaking and her other hand is tensed.

"I'll let go so long as you don't run and listen to what I have to say." My tone is stern so she knows I mean it.

She doesn't look up at me but she pauses, staring down at her other hand resting in her lap. Waiting for me to hold up my end of the deal.

I reluctantly let go, I hate it. I hate this, I missed her immensely. I want her to want to hold my hand back, to want be around me, but right now she just wants to get away.

She pulls her hand back, trying to calm her shaking down. Fidgeting with the blanket and even that kills me, she use to figet with my hand.

How far apart we're become.

"I'm sorry. The words seem so inadequate now, but I am beyond sorry for the pain I caused you. I was blinded by my own anger and didn't realise what you were doing." Her eyes dart to the opposite side of the bed when i speak. God dammit she's even more uncomfortable now.

"That was the intention though I suppose."
She still won't look at me, I just want to see her eyes. I want her to see my sincerity.

Why won't she look at me? Does she really...

Oh.

She's ashamed.

Fucking hell that hurts so much more than her just being angry with me.

Shame didn't even cross my mind as a reason to why she would run. John you muppet. Of course. She blames herself for all of this and thinks it's her fault, her responsibility, her burden.

"I know what you did, or more specifically didn't do." She glances over at my hand resting on the bed, progress of sorts.
"Tank told me that he was the one that, persuaded you to twist the truth. And bloody hell did I make him pay for it." He took that beating and didn't make a single swing back.

I just want to hold her, she looks so defeated. In every way you can be. She's tired, pale, the spark she had is gone.

"My feelings for you have not changed Aliya." Her little face tilts slightly up, she still won't look at my face but she's at least not shaking. I don't want to overwhelm her by saying too much, one step at a time.

"You were just doing the only thing you could think of, and you were right. I would never of let any harm come to you so, who knows what might of happened." Images of her distraught and crying over my lifeless body flash into my mind.

I've always considered losing my life as a acceptable risk that comes with this job. But now it makes me feel anxious, not for myself. For Aliya.

"I know you aren't okay right now, I know.." fuck this is hard to admit.
"I know my presence hurts you." I choke on half those words as I say them, it's the complete opposite of what I want. "Would you come back with us? Stay with May, Venom, Ed, anyone you need to... but please don't stay up here, not like this."