Steal His Girl

51

These past couple of weeks have been absolute hell without Andrew. I never realized what a huge part of my life he's become till recently.

  Not having him around to talk to and joke around with has been very different. How did I ever go on without him?

   I can't tell you how much I've been missing him. I spent all my sleepless nights thinking about him, imagining what our next conversation will be like. Imagining how I'll get him to forgive me.

   He has to. I don't know what I'll do if he never speaks to me again. I can't think about that without starting to Tear up. I don't want to lose him as a friend, because we were starting to become something more.

   He said he wanted me.

I want you.

I've been thinking about those three words for the longest time and I want to hear him say them again. I want him to want to kiss me again.

   For some reason I just need him to tell me something. Anything. That way I know we're on good terms. That everything's been forgiven.

   I don't know if I could live with myself knowing that I messed up our friendship. That I messed up any chances we had of taking our relationship further. I want to see what we could be.

   How far could we go? Would we last? Does he really want me?

   These burning questions floated around my mind as I tried to fall asleep. It was no use, the anxiety I felt was overbearing and I couldn't handle it. What if I truly screwed up? Would he ever come back to school?

  He has to and he will. At some point when he's done hiding he'll come back. I know he will.

   He can't stay locked in his room for long. Andrew will get over what I did and we'll be back to the way it used to be. I know it will.

   I've had plenty of time to think this over. To think my feelings over. The more and more time we spend apart just makes me miss him more. I've had time to really regret what I did.

  I replayed that almost perfect night over and over in my head, mentally throwing myself out of my bedroom window. I'm so stupid! Why am I so stupid?

   I should've kissed him. My biggest regret is rejecting him because I was afraid. I was afraid of what Josh would say about it but that doesn't matter anymore. Josh is no longer my problem.

    The way I replied to him makes my heart break. The three words that I said truly seemed to break his heart. It broke mine.

   I told him I didn't want him and the moment the phrase escaped my lips, I knew I'd regret it. But you see, I lied. Day after day, the more I dwelled on this I realized how big that lie was.

    I said that I didn't want him, when in reality he's the only one I want. Ever since we've met I slowly started to fall for him and me being the oblivious moron that I am, I didn't even know it.

   For the first time in my life I actually know what I want. Without any second thoughts, with a straight face I could tell you that all I really wanted was Andrew Hills.

   I wanted to kiss him and lay in his muscular arms. To cry on his shoulder, to just tell him how I really felt. I needed for him to know that. I just had to tell him how really felt or it would take over me.

    I tossed and turned trying to fall asleep that same night. Maybe if I could just close my eyes and shut off my mind, I can manage to fall asleep. Closing my eyes I saw black, before drifting into thoughts of him.

    He just won't leave my mind. When will I see Andrew? I need to see him or I might actually die. Oh what I'd do to inhale his addictive scent, to look into his dark brown eyes.

    I sat up in my bed in the dark, looking at the window on the side of my room. The moonlight subtly shining through my window. That was the only light in the sky.

   The little light that came into my room shone on a familiar black coat right beside my hamsters. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, walking towards it.

   Picking up the jacket I brought it up to my nose, smelling the smell I grew to know and love. It was from Andrew's tuxedo.

  I swear I'm not some weird stalker, that smells peoples clothes. That's just messed up..

   My window was cracked open, and I felt the light breeze of cold air blow right passed me. I felt goose bumps forming on my arm. I put on the coat closing the window.

    It was oversized and comfortable. It was a little cold due to it being tight in front of the open window, but I instantly felt comforted.

   Laying back down in my bed with his coat wrapped around me, I saw the red numbers from my alarm clock. It's two thirty three in the morning.

  Ugh, I guess I won't be getting up in the morning. I reached for my phone, completely giving up on sleep. Maybe he posted something on his story.

   Doesn't hurt to check.

I slowly scrolled through the list of names, searching for his name. My eyes landing on Andrew Hills and I tapped on his story. There was a ten second video of him lip syncing to 21 savage and smoking.

    My eyes lit up as I admired his handsome features. I haven't seen his face in the longest time. It wasn't till after the video ended that my smile faded.

   It was a video of him with Tasha Hailand. My stomach dropped six feet under. I felt like my heart had just split in two. I'll admit it, I'm jealous.

   I don't like that he's hanging out with her. Just the fact that it's her makes my freaking blood boil. The next snap was a picture someone took of them hugging. Without knowing it, a tear rolled down my cheek out of envy.

   I hate watching him with her. Even if nothing going on, which I doubt, my skin itches with jealousy.

     I closed my phone, quietly sobbing into my pillow. Have I lost him?

    Is what I did tearing us apart?

I ended up crying myself to sleep at the sight of him with another girl. The fact that it was Tasha, ruined me.

                                            •••

Updating again in a few.