life goes on (completed)

depression

"Fergal?"

I heard Sasha ask as I kept my head buried into my pillow. The past few days I just couldn't get out of bed. I just kept seeing the image of Pam's dead body in my arms. I can't get it out of my head. And I can't get out of my head what I could've done better.

"Fergal please get out of bed. The kids really wanna see you. Aria and Chloe are worried about you. Please?"

Sasha asked as she crouched down beside the bed next me.

"I can't. I just can't."

I said as tears began to fall down my face. I just feel so guilty for not saving Pam. I told her that she would be okay and that I'm here to protect her and now she's fucking dead.

"Fergal, you know Pam wouldn't want you sulking in bed. She'd want you to be out there with the kids. C'mon."

Sasha said as she pulled the blanket off of my face. I rubbed my eyes as I sat up.

"I can't. I just can't. It should've been me. She shouldn't have died. It should've been me who died. Pam survived her suicide attempt and then died protecting the kids and I. That's so fucked up."

I said as I started crying again.

"Don't cry Fergal. She's in a better place. I promise. Now, your kids are really worried about you and they need their father to grieve. Go be with your big happy family."

Sasha said as I nodded, stood up, and walked out of the room.