life goes on (completed)

all my strength is gone

I sighed as I tossed in my bed for what felt like the millionth time. I just can't sleep anymore. And time I closed my eyes, I saw Pam's body in my arms. I saw her bloody body in the ambulance. I saw the doctor tell me she didn't survive her injuries. That's all I saw. And I can't escape it.

I can't escape my thoughts. I can't be there to grieve with my kids. It seems like all I do is feel guilt. Last time she died...I didn't even get to be with Pam. This time she died in my arms. And it's all because of Aaron.

I broke my promise to Pam. I told her I'd protect her and I didn't. I'm a horrible person for not protecting her. She finally found her reason to live. She finally had a purpose to live. She was finally ready to move on from Carter...and now she's dead.

I just can't take the pain in my heart for much longer. So I need a distraction. I walked into the bathroom, locked the door, and found a razor blade in the drawer.

Then I slid it across my skin. And must I admit, it did take some of the pain away from my heart.

Pam's POV

"Fergie, no! Please don't do it! Stay strong for me! Please!"

I cried as I watched Fergal cut himself. I wish I could just yell at him to stop. I wish I could wrap my arms around him and tell him that I'm okay and it's not his fault. But I can't. I'm not allowed anymore chances to go back to earth.

And now I have to sit here and watch my poor Fergie suffer.