Officer Prescott

Chapter 65

"So." I said softly as I trailed circles on his chest when we got in bed that night. We had tucked Mackenzie in and talked to her for a little before going to bed ourselves.

"So." He said and intertwined his fingers with mine.

"Why did you thank me?" I asked.

"Because you got really angry. When you get really angry the truth comes out. Sometimes I just need the truth flat out told to me and to accept it and move on from stupid things." He said and I smiled weakly.

"I miss you." I said.

"I'm right here. I haven't gone anywhere." He chuckled and I shook my head.

"You haven't been yourself for a long time, Trev. I don't know why. You just haven't. I miss you so much." I said and he kissed my cheek.

"I lost myself." He said and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Do you know what happened? Why you started this?" I asked.

"My job started it. I became chief and felt like I let down my dad when I gave the position up-" he paused and he ran his fingers through his hair.

"When my mom died, my dad was my only support system and I love him with everything in me. He called me a week or so after I gave up the position and he told me that he was sick-" he paused and he cleared his throat and he closed his eyes.

"He said he has cancer and it's not cureable. He told me he wanted to see me and not to worry, and I haven't seen him since. I'm scared to. I saw my mom and I don't want to see him. I can't watch him go through any of this. He doesn't even know were expecting." He said and he had tears in his eyes. I sat up and rubbed his arm and he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"And I know it's not an excuse for me to drink or do drugs. It's mostly just me. I can't help myself when things go wrong or when I'm overwhelmed and I hate it just as much as you do. I want to stop more than you'll ever know. I can't though and I'm-" he paused and his voice cracked.

"I'm so sorry." He said and he started crying and covered his eyes.

"Hey." I said softly and he shook his head.

"Trevor, it's okay." I said.

"I don't know why I keep doing it. It hurts you so bad and I'm sorry." He said and I grabbed his hand that was covering his eyes and I kissed it and held it tightly.

"I know you can't help it, but I'm going to help you. You've been doing so good. I'm not letting you go back to that. You can't." I said and he nodded.

"But I know I will." He said and I shook my head.

"No you won't." I said.

"Yes I will. I always do-"

"Trevor I'm not letting you. Do you understand me? Do you have any in this house?" I asked and he didn't say anything.

"Trevor." I warned and he sat up and wiped his eyes.

"Yeah." He sighed.

"Where?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Trev. You have to tell me." I said.

"I have some in my car." He said and I nodded.

"When was the last time you did it?" I asked and he looked over at me. He looked down at his hands and he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Today." He said and my eyes softened.

"Trevor." I sighed and he shrugged.

"I told you I'd keep doing it." He said and I kissed his temple and wrapped my arms around him.

"Do you want to get help?" I asked.

"I'm not going to a fucking rehab. Don't even try to do that to me." He said.

"Can you stop?" I asked.

"I know I won't stop-"

"If you won't stop, you're getting help if you want to be with me." I said.

"I'm not someone that does that though. I'm a good person with a good head on their shoulders and my job-"

"I know. You are amazing. You're everything I've ever wanted, but you know that you fucked up." I said and he drug his hands down his face.

"If I went I would lose my job. That wouldn't work. I couldn't do that. The only thing I can do is just try not to do it." He said and I rubbed his knee.

"I just want you happy and without doing that." I said and he rested his head against mine and I wrapped my arms around him.

"I'm going to try with everything in me for you and Mackenzie-and the one on the way." He smiled weakly and he kissed my cheek.

"I love you." I said and kissed him softly,

"I know. And you put up with so much of my shit." He said and I grabbed his arm and slowly pulled him back down on the bed.

"Just hold me and kiss me. We'll be okay. You'll be okay." I said and he entangled his legs with mine and wrapped his arms around me before kissing me.

"I'm happy Mackenzie is here." He said softly.

"Me too." I said and he kissed my cheek.

"You're so patient with me. I don't deserve you." He said.

"You're my best friend and lover all in one. I'm patient with you because I know you're better than who you've been." I said and he nodded.

"You mean the world to me." He said and I nuzzled into his chest.

"I couldn't live without you."