(This is an opinion of an individual, which may not coincide with the masses. The individual's taste, thinking, and way of perception will definitely be different)
Cover: 6/10
Very average and not something that will catch a reader's eye instantly. Especially the color and the font of the title (your main title – Into the Unknown). And after reading the blurb, I feel there is a lot missing in your cover. They both are from different places – the day and night thing, then how about a cover where the day and night are shown?
Title: 9/10!
I think your title suits your genre the best! As soon as a reader will glance at it, they'll know it is an adventure story.
Blurb/Description: 8/10!
I have never been this intrigued with a blurb to be honest! I like this concept of making day and night teams – it also gives me some fantasy feeling! Though, your blurb could be improved a lot, grammar wise. There are long, run-on sentences, no commas and the sentences can be rephrased in a better manner.
Definitely an original for me! As I mentioned earlier, your blurb hit it right with all the notes. The way you have houses (according to Shakespearean dramas), and how you have literally spent so much time to sort out characters accordingly is just mind blowing to me!
Plot and Flow: 18/20!
The flow, at places, may seem very fast but only for some parts. Other times, it is just Okayish and let's the readers glide through the chapter. Hence, you need to be a little consistent.
I have to praise you for the amount of planning you have done on the plot! Some parts may feel something totally out of fiction but when you add a pinch of reality (like Shakespearean dramas, or names of real places, etc), the story woven is a finished product.
I also loved how you never failed to provide the readers with a glossary – this is a very good trait of a responsible writer.
Character Development: 9/10!
Some of the character traits are really relatable, and some parts are a bit funny too! The characters and their relations are developing in a good way, we can expect a lot more.
Writing style, Grammar, spellings, etc.: 7/10!
The writing style can be improved a little bit. I think it is a technical issue that there aren't spaces after most of your punctuations. Then there are missing punctuations too like commas and full stops.
After a person finishes a dialogue, its always better to change paragraphs when a new person starts a dialogue. It reduces confusion.
Also, you use the word 'said' a lot – it is very monotonous. There are other action words you can use instead. This thing lacks a lot in your story – use more action sentences, let the readers 'see' what you want to show. If someone is arguing, it's natural for them to have a louder tone. You shouldn't just say 'he spoke in a louder tone' – describe it more. For example -
"But this isn't right!" he banged his fist on the table. The argument wasn't that serious but his heavy baritone sent shivers down my spine.
See, this is better and exciting to read!
Genre relevance: 10/10!
Definitely an adventure story! Keeps me on the edge of my seat!
Reader enjoyment and Communication with the readers: 9/10!
Good communication with readers! It promises us with adventure and delivers it!
Overall: 85/100
Once again, I love how you have planned the plot of your story! It is amazing to see how a creative mind works! Keep writing and inspiring others ~
Tips – These are just friendly suggestions from one writer to another ~
Just a small, friendly suggestion – it is always better to not give away the whole backstory of a character before the whole plot. Let the readers discover it themselves. You can place those snippets withing the story – it makes your writing more detailed and exciting. Another thing is that the chapters are too long (this is just me – I get too tired reading long chapters and I tend to read the whole book to give a proper review) it is always good to divide them to readable chapters.
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