SCRIPTURIENT REVIEWS | OPEN

❄CELINE | CASSIE ❄

Reviewed by: FmEver
Book Title: Celine
Author's Name: Tealover0669

Cover: 10/10
I love your cover! It’s beautiful and magical and has the right colors to make it stand out.

Title: 8/10
The title fits the cover and the story but I believe it's too simple.

Blurb/Description: 5/10
Firstly, your blurb is too long. I suggest removing the parts where the protagonists talk about each other and writing something like this:

"Two people -so different and determined to hate each other- find themselves in a twisted game of fate."

The rest of the blurb is interesting but not very well written.

For example, this sentence: “Fate wasn't finished with just making them mates. It wanted to play a bit more.” is very informal and doesn’t do the story justice.

Instead, you can continue the sentence I wrote and say: “Being mates is only the beginning. Time is ending and the danger is closer than ever. In a time when they question everyone and everything, they realize that they have to trust each other. Is the truth about the past the only thing Celine wants to know? Is vengeance the only thing Alpha Drake desires? A humorous story filled with magic, sarcasm, and a lot of lies. Read more to find out how it ends.”

As you may notice, I kept your last sentence and changed the way you’ve written everything else. Also, you had used both past and present tenses so I fixed that too. You are free to use any or all of my sentences.

Creativity and originality: 5/10
As someone who has read a ton of stories, both in and off Wattpad, so far the story doesn't offer anything new. This isn't a bad thing if you have a unique writing style or strong, interesting characters. I believe that you should definitely work on the characters to make your story better.

Plot and Flow: 12/20
The end of the first chapter is abrupt and you don’t give enough time to show the boy’s state or what’s happening once he talks. The second chapter is also very unexpected. You mention a few things about the place and its people but it would be nice to show Celine’s life a little bit more before the sudden attack.

I suggest combining a few chapters (the two chapters of the attack and the aftermath) and the chapter with the trip (Chapter 5) could show the emotional impact on other pack members and how far they had to travel.

I was pleasantly surprised a few times when you showed the emotions instead of saying “I was angry.” because it makes the story more realistic and creates a nice flow. However, you should work more on showing the emotions and on improving your grammar.

Character Development: 5/10
Celine talks and thinks immaturely as if she's younger than the age she stated. I’m not sure how old you are, but it’s important to read a lot of other stories and figure out how people of that age think. Of course, everyone is special, but Celine has a tough life so it’s only logical that she’s mature and strong, which isn’t obvious in the story. Also, when her sister said that the beta was her mate, the question “Are you happy?” was odd. They have lost their homes and everything they knew is gone and that’s the first question? They are both scared and hopeless, so it makes sense that she wouldn’t be happy with the enemy that attacked them. At least, not until she gets to know him.
Also, as I mentioned before, we don’t really know a lot of things about Celine and her story. You need to show who she is before the attack, create a character with strengths and weaknesses and then, show the obstacle (the attack) and how she overcomes it.
However, I really liked the girls’ relationship and how much they care for each other.  

Writing style, Grammar, spellings, etc.: 5/10
I noticed a tense inconsistency. Sometimes you use past tenses, sometimes present tenses and all in the same scene. In chapter one, in the first paragraph: “I scream” and then, in the second paragraph “I said”.

In general, I suggest using an editing app like Grammarly because I noticed a few mistakes. Some sentences were too long. For example, this one in chapter 2: "Me and my sister run as fast as possible and we come into a small forest and we hide there for how long I don't know." Here's an example of how you could correct this sentence: "My sister and I run as fast as possible, fear consuming our bodies and minds until we reach a small forest. I quickly lose track of time, only to see the dark sky covering everything but the ruins of our town." (I used part of the next paragraph. It's important to connect your paragraphs).

Genre relevance: 8/10
It is a fantasy story, but it’s also a werewolf story. So it belongs to the werewolf genre too.

Reader enjoyment and Communication with the readers: 8/10
It looks like your readers enjoy your story despite the errors. I like that you respond to a lot of them with happy, thankful messages. 

Overall: 66/100 
Your story has potential and I think you can improve the story a lot by studying and editing. Read stories that belong to your genre (preferably not from Wattpad) and participate in book clubs to gain more feedback. There are many apps and writing blogs that have a lot of information about writing, plot outline and character development. I wish you the best!