Overall comments: The pace is a bit slow but I'm excited to read more. Btw I absolutely loved Trixcia, please tell me I'll be seeing a lot more of her.
Cover:
9.5/10
It's pretty, it's fitting. But in all the prettiness, it kinda lost its visibility. Now it just might be my poor 6/6 eyesight but I kinda had to strain it to see the "The gunner" part behind the red florist. Maybe write the "The gunner" part in metallic bronze? Would look pretty and be visible.
Description:
10/10
I'm pretty sure I've yet to find a description that fitting. It's the exact amount of revealing and the exact amount of intriguing and overall, I just loved it.
Basic plot:
9/10
It's very interesting and it's very unique. But the reason for a 9 is that it's absolutely unknown territory. Not only is it London, it's also an alternate universe where the war is not a war anyone knows of. The people in the war are not people we know. So overall, it's just a completely unknown territory for a reader who's never read mystery mixed with a history that didn't actually happen. And since that is an unknown territory for me on the whole, I might be a little scared of picking the book up. Of course, your prose, once the reader actually reads it, will pull them in pretty fast. But for people like, say those who prefer to not cross known realities may not find it as much of an intriguing or say even an alluring prospect for reading.
So yes. You've started the book, I'd say continue it. But in the future, try to incorporate some reality into your alternate universe.
Grammar:
9.5/10
Easy score to give. You didn't make a lot of grammar mistakes so congrats on that. But there were a few punctuation issues which I think you should be able to find on your own if you give the book a skim. So, yeah, awesome. So far so good.
Phrasing/Tone + Tense + voice:
8.5/10
Though the vocabulary was good, very good in fact but sometimes you have to keep it simple and subtle instead of fancy and overwhelming. There were a few "overwhelming" words in there. A few which I think could've been avoided but okay, that's cool if you don't want to edit them. But remember, when writing, most of the time simple is elegant and fancy is gaudy. You don't want gaudy.
The reason why you've gotten an 8 is because of the paragraphs. Too long, makes the prose too boring. I want emphasis, I want passion, I want sentences that make me want to read more. But writing long paragraphs becomes monotonous.
For example, if I were to write:
I walked down the dimly lit corridor, naked feet brushing the velvet carpet.
A howl resounded against the stone walls of the castle, some if it reverberating off of its high domes, some absorbed by its time-worn tapestries.
I stopped, fear gripping me, gluing my bare feet, numbing my mind.
Silence
A shiver ran through me as the wind rustled my skirts.
The only sound. A flutter. And then another chilling howl.
I ran as fast I could, as fast as my feet would take me. I took long strides, as long as my skirt would allow me. Leaving all semblance of royal elegance behind, I ran for my life. For the red hound saw no queen, no king.
We were but prey.
So here basically what I've done is I've separated lines of importance so that I could put emphasis on them. Imagine if I'd written them in a paragraph and absolutely monotonously.
So all good but take care of emphasis. The tenses and the voice are all fine.
Overall score:
46.5/50
Excited to read more.
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