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❄️ Fall Of Dragonesia | ASNA ❄️

Reviewer: -cookiesnmilk-

Title: Fall of Dragonesia

Author: _abhipreeti_ 

Title: 10/10

I like the title. Short, simple, meaningful. One look at it tells me a lot about the story. 'Dragonesia' screams 'dragons', and 'fall of dragonesia' makes me think of adventure and action. Because defeating dragons is no easy task. And the fact that it isn't just 'fall of dragons', but 'fall of dragonesia', I already know there's a whole different world in your book. Great choice.

Cover: 3/10

Well, all I can say is, such a good title does not look good on a cover like that. When I first saw your cover, all I saw was black and a purple line in the middle. Upon close inspection, I realised that the 'black' was actually a dragon and the purple line was fire(?). A simple dragon in the cover doesn't explain anything. Maybe show some other stuff like our main character Alana and probably war elements. Some kind of city in the background with smoke, the mc in the middle, a dragon behind her emitting fire, and some weapons? Can you picture what I'm trying to say? I'll PM you some really good designers here on Wattpad, and you can also check out the Gemme Community's designer shop.

Also the text placement should be changed. Centralise it and make sure the word 'Dragonesia' is bigger than the other two so when someone first sees the cover, it grabs their attention.

Blurb: 8/10

The blurb is good in the sense that it is not the summary of the book, but an actual blurb. I like how you have structured it, but it has punctuation mistakes and some sentences should be altered for better readability.

Also, the question you ask at the end is very obvious and cliché. By the end of the blurb, everyone has this question in mind. There is absolutely no need to state it. If you really want to ask a question at the end to hook readers, try something that will plant a seed of doubt in their minds. Maybe question Leon's honesty? Or if you have an interesting plot twist, hint at it through a question.

Take a look at this edited blurb:

The human world has fallen.

The mankind is now ruled by the humanised dragons, also known as the Dragonesians, who can reside in both their human and dragon form. Vicious and cruel, the monsters are ready to devour anyone who breaks the Dragonesian Laws.

However, Alana Thornheart, an eighteen-year-old human, is not someone to back down.

When she finds out about a certain plan of the Dragonesians, she sets out to stop a revolution that could possibly destroy both humans and Dragonesians forever, with several risks and dangers lying ahead. On top of it, Leon, the Dragonesian prince, who claims to despise the members of his own species, joins Alana on her mission.

Does Leon really wish to end the injustice in the Dragonesian World or is it just a conspiracy to destroy Alana's plans?

You are free to use this blurb for your book if you like.

Writer's Craft: 8/10

Your writing is very effective! I really, really love it. The fantasy genre requires descriptive writing and you've done well in that part. However, improvement is still needed in some areas. I will provide detailed feedback on the first chapter so that you can get an idea about where you need improvement.

1. Alana's mother was dead.

We don't know Alana. We don't know her mother. I can't sympathise with her. People die all the time in this world. Your readers feel for your characters when they get to know them. This sentence is effective in grabbing the reader's attention, but it doesn't have that effect you're trying to go for. Try something like, "Alana's mother lay lifeless on the ground as blood oozed out of her open stomach, painting the dragon's lips red who was feeding off of her intestines."