SCRIPTURIENT REVIEWS | OPEN

❄️ MAYAPURI - THE CITY OF DREAMS | ASNA ❄️

Reviewer: -cookiesnmilk-

Book Title: Mayapuri - The City Of Dreams

Author: KhaliqahAzima 

Title: 8/10

The 'city of dreams' intrigued me, hence the high score. However, I really can't see how it is related to the story after reading the blurb and the first chapter. It might be more clearer later in the story, but at least hint at it in the first few chapters.

Cover: 6/10

I would have given a higher rating if the cover was related to the story significantly. It is related to the title, I can see, but I haven't found any relevance to the story yet. You can improve the overall look by bringing the author's name at the bottom and enhancing the quality.

Blurb: 10/10

When I read the blurb, I was SO impressed. You've done an awesome job at it. I couldn't have been more hooked. I love literary stuff and the question you posed at the end was enough to get me thinking, "Wow, I'm gonna enjoy this!".

Your blurb is short, very simple and elegant. You introduce your characters, the setting, and the problem in a great way. Good job!

Writer's Craft: 3/10

You have a rather simple writing style, and while there's nothing wrong with it, it feels like you're simply telling the story. I'm not experiencing it.

You don't make use of writer's craft at all. There's very little description, just enough which helps the readers understand the plot. That's all. I get to know the story. I can't see real humans, be a part of the setting or feel like I'm in it.

You tell me that the characters are struggling, I say okay, you tell me that the characters meet, okay, you tell me their personalities, great, you tell me what they do, good. You're simply telling me, I can't see it for myself.

Make the characters' interactions more meaningful. Show me their feelings.

In the chapters that I have read, you mainly focus on the backstory. Readers may get confused with so much information. Start with action. There's so much time for you to tell your readers the backstory. Just let them enjoy the action.

Characters: 4/10

I don't know your characters at all. I don't know what they look like. I know some names and something is happening to them.

They are simply heads talking. Their personalities seem alike and I barely know what any of them look like. It's just the start and you still have time to develop them.

Make their conversations meaningful. Focus on their actions. Their emotions. The inner struggles. It will reveal their personality.

Keep dropping snippets of what your characters look like here and there. Don't dump info at once because if you do that, your readers will forget immediately. And it doesn't mean you can't repeat these tiny details. Like if you say the MC has black hair in chapter one, say it again in chapter three so your readers remember it. Throughout the story, tell us about their looks. We aren't seeing them. We're reading what they look like. So we need to read it again and again in order to remember it.

Plot: 8/10

Nice plot. I'm already so frustrated and eager to know how all the problems will be solved. As there are only a few chapters published right now, I can't see any plot holes. And I can't comment much either except that I wanted to pull my hair after reading their struggles.

Overall Comment:

You have a good plot. It has potential. You should work on other areas to turn it into a story people will remember.