SCRIPTURIENT REVIEWS | OPEN

❄ MURDER RECIPES | SILVER ❄

Reviewer: PeterPan2210
Reviewee: Asna_Your_Friend
Story reviewed: Murder Recipes
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                  Overall Comments

I really liked that your story introduced the first suspicious character early on in the story. Most people take time building up and that becomes boring sometimes. For people like me, with goldfish tendencies and nearly nil attention span, your book was awesome to keep one on their toes. Oh and btw, your story reminds me of that one Pink Panther movie with Aishwarya Rai in it. 
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Cover:

10/10

It’s pretty and It’s pretty mysterious too. I liked it a lot. Plus the title is delicious....(I’m sorry for the pun if you get it. Recipes-delicious? No? Okay.)

Description:

9.5/10

Teensy, weensy grammar mistake in the description. Otherwise, It’s alright.

Basic plot:

9.5/10

Very interesting. I wonder how you’ll build up from “the news of the stolen necklace" to “dead bodies with notes stuck to them”.

A 9.5 though because French women and murders and guesthouses just seem a very CID-esque mystery to me (The TV show CID) and though I like CID, it’s better when viewed on picture than read on paper.

So it both seems kinda cliché and doesn’t interest me that much either. Like it interests me but not to the point that I’ll be hanging on, no matter what, for as long as you take to update the book. But then again, you’ve written only 2 chapters, so we’ll see if the 9.5, changes to a 10.

Grammar:

9.5/10

There are mistakes. But not a lot. So yeah. Good going.

Btw, try to use “all of you" instead of “you all" or “all of them" instead of “They all". It’s incorrect language.

Yes, it’s common in spoken English, yes it’s very,  very prevalent but no, it’s grammatically incorrect.

Also, at some places, the usages of the word “tell" is incorrect, “ask" would be more appropriate.

Phrasing/Tone + Voice + Tense

8.5/10

There are Tense mistakes. I usually don’t include Tenses in grammar because Tense maintenance is something I actually consider a thing in itself. So yeah, you’ve done some Tense mistakes which is actually justifiable or kinda excusable because you’re writing in first person point of view.

Also remind me, why are you writing in first person point of view? I hope you know first person povs are very hard to maintain a writing flow with. Like, for example, your story seemed a bit disconnected at points and the flow was a bit awkward.

I’m not discouraging the use of first person povs but point being, first person povs are extremely hard to maintain a flow with. So, just a suggestion, for future chapters try to include narrator’s pov too, like, from a third person point of view. That way you can explain the universe as a whole and your character too because naturally a narrator would know all the feelings and the expressions that a character wishes to express. That way third person povs are less restricting.

Overall score:

46/50

Pretty awesome book, to say the least. Can be perfected with a little tweaking.
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Thank you for choosing me.

If you need any other feedbacks or have any queries, ask for them in the inline comments. Also, rate this review out of a 5.