SCRIPTURIENT REVIEWS | OPEN

❄ EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON | SILVER ❄

Reviewer: PeterPan2210
Reviewee: -sarcasticchica-
Story reviewed: Everything happens for a reason.
                                _ _ _
                   Overall comments
Although the story was great, I feel like it could’ve been insanely better had it been written in Valarie's point of view. Now that could just be my own opinion because I’ve seen reviewers gushing over your book and it’s characters, but I didn’t quite like the selection of your main character. Ahston's point of view was slightly rushed, Valarie's character wasn’t emphasized on enough although it should’ve been and Lili's Voice seems weak.

Again, the book’s entire concept and plot is great. The execution however bummed me out a bit.

This book definitely has amazing potential though. Must read 100%
                                _ _ _
Cover:
10/10
Pretty af.

Title:
10/10
Interesting and accurate. Also simple and therefore my type.

Description
10/10
It’s awesome. Vague but gives a fair amount of information. Lovely. Also maybe add something about the stepmother too.

Basic plot:
10/10
Differences born through misunderstandings and miscommunication.

I liked that your main character was a trouble maker unlike other female main characters. I saw a lot of me in your character except for the dead parents part and boarding school part. I don’t go looking for trouble, trouble usually finds me.

So yeah, your overall plot was really good.

Content:
7/10
It was good but hear me out.

I’m not saying you misjudged your book but I feel like you misjudged the main character as in who should’ve been the main character.

I would’ve liked it better had you written the story through the Step-mother's point of view. Her voice in this book overshadowed all your other characters.

The one line that stuck to me was, “If something happened to her, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself”

That line alone was stronger than any of your other characters or scenes. For me, the story was about Valarie King and not Lili Winston. It was about Valarie King because more than anyone else, she had a hard past and a misunderstood voice.

Lili was just a child who’d lost her mother and lost her father, although not physically, along with her.

It was a three shot; had you written the story in Valarie King's perspective, it would’ve come up so much more stronger. A troubled past, having to mother a kid who’d lost her own, having to godmother another kid after he lost his own, giving up her scholarship for said kid, watching both of her kids meet and fall in love, may be in some villainous or misunderstood way but still. So yeah, I feel like you misjudged who your main character should’ve been. 

Hope you understand what I’m trying to say.

The rest of the content was pretty good.

I’d like you to be a bit more descriptive though.

Also there are shorter ways of writing a sentence, improve the vocab used. You already know what I preach, simplicity is elegance but presenting your ideas concisely without using too many fancy words is an art. I’m pretty sure you can master the art.

Pace + Sequence:
9.5/10
It’s a three-shot. If it weren’t fast, it wouldn’t have been a three shot lol.
Good work though.

Can we get some Lili + Ashton scenes though? The last chapter seems rushed otherwise. The instant connection part could be elaborated better through some broken scenes depicting their lives maybe.

Grammar + Punctuation + Tense:
9.8/10
Less to no mistakes. Although, lemme know if you intend to write in British English or  American English. Because if you mix those two, there could be a problem as the spellings in both those writing languages change. For example, the z and s usage changes, towards vs toward etc.

Structuring/Tone + Voice
10/10
Perfect.

Originality:
7/10
From Lili's point of view, not very original. Again, had you written it from the stepmother's point of view, that would’ve been awesome.

Reader enjoyment
8.2/10
As I said, would’ve preferred Valarie's voice of narration to Lili's. Lili's was weak.

Overall score:
91.5/100

Great Job
Thank you for choosing me.
Please rate this review on a scale of 5 based on how useful it was and suggest improvements, if any.