Castle's partner

Every breath is painful

We eat breakfast, though Castle does most of the eating. I'm sitting there when I feel hands on my shoulders from behind. I jump in my seat and stand up. I turn around and see Alexis who pulls me into a hug. I try to hide my fear from her scaring me so no one sees how screwed up my head is right now.
"How are you?" She asks.
"I'm fine. Getting better. This thing is really itchy though." I point to the cast on my leg. She laughs, and I smile at her laughter.
"Ok we'll I'm leaving for school but you can use anything of mine that you would like and I hope you stay ok." She smiles at me. She walks over and kisses Castle on the forehead before heading out the door.
Castles phone rings ad he answers.
"Hello? Ok. Yeah 15 minutes. Ok bye."
He hangs up and starts talking to me.
"We need to go to the precinct. I'm really sorry but you have to give your statement, and the new captain wants to meet you. She's scary."
I smile and say "ok. I'll go change."

We arrive at the precinct a few minutes later and ride the elevator up. I walk in next to Castle. For some reason I am very nervous. I walk closer to him. We reach Beckett's desk, and another officer sees me.
"Hey Ross is back!"
He starts clapping, and slowly everyone in the precinct joins in.
Beckett, Ryan and Espo walk out of the break room to see what the noise is, and when they see me they clap too.
When the clapping finally dies down Castle guides me over to them.
"Hey Ross. Nice to see you back here." Says Espo.
"Hello Miss Ross." Says a voice from behind me.
I turn around and see a very sophisticated looking woman.
She holds out her hand, and I shake it.
"I've heard a lot about you. I'm Captain Gates."
"It's nice to meet you. I've heard great things about you." I say suppressing a smile. She doesn't notice.
"I would like to speak to you privately in my office." She turns and I look back at Espo and Ryan, who mouth "good luck."
I follow Gates into her office and she sits down behind her desk.
"First off I would like to say I am sorry about your kidnapping. Second I would like to say that you are very young and it is illegal to be working here at such a young age, and I don't know how you have managed to stay here for so long."
I swallow hard, expecting the worst. Expecting her to tell me that I have to leave and that I can't stay with my family. Instead she says, "I would like you to be an intern here. I know that without you several of the cases would not have been solved. I can bend the rules a little and have you keep working in the field with Beckett Espo and Ryan, but you cannot have a gun yet. When you are olde enough, if I am still around, I will put you I the force as the youngest female detective in the NYPD. Beckett beat my age by six weeks, but you will beat her by a few years. I have never seen anyone as smart as you. And for you to be tortured for a week and to not reveal any information is the most heroic thing a detective to do, besides taking a bullet for someone else. But from what I hear you already have. I am usually very strict about all of this, but I am impressed by you. Now go help your friends before I change my mind."
I manage to stutter out "thank you ma'am."
She replies with "if my mother stops by you call her ma'am. Call me Sir or Captain."
"Ok thank you Sir."
I walk out if the office stunned, and my jaw is hanging open slightly. I return to everyone and they wait for me to explain what happened. I do, and when I'm done they sit there in silence for a few seconds. Beckett is the first one to talk.
"Wow, I can't believe it. I'm so happy!"
The others join in too saying things along the same line.
"Hey I'm really sorry but we have to take your statement. Who do you want to give it to?" Asks Ryan.
"Um I guess you since I'm already talking to you."
We walk together into the box, and he unplugs the mic and doesn't record what we are saying. I hope the rest of the gang hasn't followed into the observation room.
"So what happened the day you were taken?"
"I was talking to Beckett and Castle back in California when my phone received a text. It said something along the line of 'if you want to see your friends to live come with me, but say goodbye. You probably won't see them again.' I went because I didn't want anything to happen to them."
"Ok then what?"
"I walked over to him and he put a gun to me and told me to get in the car and then he drugged me. I woke up and he came into the room and beat me."
"Ok. You were gone for a week. What else happened?"
I lick my lips trying to work up the nerve to talk about it.
"He tortured me."
I see Ryan's jaw twitch and clench when I say this.
"How?" He asks in a tight voice.
I shake my head slightly and look at my hands.
"I'm sorry but you need to tell me."
"There was um... there was water. And it had ice. And he-he would stick my head under until I almost passed out and my lungs burned like hell. I've never felt so much pain. And he said that grown men have been begging for death when he did this to them. He kept asking for information about my dads case but I didn't give him any. But I wanted to."
I look up to see Ryan's face. He is trying to act like a police officer but all I can see is the sympathy.
I stand up and run out of the room. I hear Ryan calling me, but I don't look back. I keep running. I take the stairs out of the precinct and run through the streets. I run and run and I can't breathe. Every breath I take is painful, but not nearly as bad as what I endured for a week. Every breath is painful, but not as bad as losing every single person I ever cared about. Every breath is painful, but not as bad as seeing the look of pain on my family's face when they see me hurt. Every breath is painful but not as bad as seeing my family again, but knowing I will never see then again. Every breath is painful, but not painful enough. I can feel tears streaming down my face and I keep running. Trying to get away.
I end up in an empty building. I am inside and I strip off my jacket. I lean against the wall trying to breathe but I can't. I run through the building until I find what I am looking for. There is a broken mirror on the ground so I pick up one of the shards and bring it my wrist. I dig the glass into my skin and blood is flowing down my arm. I can't escape and every cut makes it worse. I don't know how much blood I have lost, but I know it's a lot. I see the edges of my vision going black, and I start to see spots but I don't care. I keep going until I can't stand. I drop the glass as I slide against the wall sobbing. I can see the sun through the window.
And then I don't.