Castle's partner

Blood Stains and Hair Ties

I wake up and look over at Ross, and she's awake, staring off into space, just like Beckett in the hospital.
"Hey," I say. She jumps and looks at me.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."
"It's ok."
I get out of bed.
"Do you want some breakfast?"
"No."
"Ross. You need to eat. Remember what Beckett told you?"
"How did you know about that?"
"She told me later. But it doesn't matter. She's right. So what do you want?"
"I don't know. Toast?"
"Ok."
We walk into the kitchen and make her the toast. I show her where everything is and get her a glass of ice water.
"Ok. I'm going to go take a shower I will be back in ten minutes. Are you ok by yourself?"
She nods, understanding what I am asking.
I walk into my room and start pulling out the clothes I will wear after I get out of the shower. I pull out a purple striped tie and my gray blazer, and I hear a loud crash in the kitchen, then a thud.
I sprint to the kitchen, only to find Ross sitting on the ground with her knees pulled to her chest. She is rocking herself and there are tears streaming down her face. I see shattered glass, water, and ice on the floor. Suddenly I realize what happened.
She must have been drinking the water and had a flashback to being tortured. I notice the palm of her hand is bleeding, probably from dropping to the ground and getting cut on the shards, at least I hope.
I get down next to her and hug her trying to get her back to reality. I pull her small frame onto my lap and she buries her face in my chest.
"It's ok. No one is going to hurt you. I will protect you. I promise."
Her crying subsides, but her body is still tense. I look down at her and see blood smeared across the floor and her body. I have a flashback to walking into that room and seeing her on the floor, and it hurts. I can't imagine how bad her pain is. I gently move Ross off of me and set her on the floor away from the glass and cold water. She sits unmoving. I grab a broom and dustpan and sweep up the glass, making sure I don't miss any, and throw them in the garbage. I get some medical supplies and sit next to her. I pull out medical disinfectant and pour a little on her hand. I know it hurts her, but she doesn't even flinch. The cut is pretty deep, so I wrap an Ace bandage around her hand. She doesn't fight me like I know she normally would. I put everything away and sit next to her again.
"I'm sorry I broke your glass." She whispers.
I smile even though it shouldn't be funny.
"That's what you're worried about?"
"Well yeah. I don't know if it was like, your favorite one." Her face is still blank and emotionless.
"Well it wasn't. It was my least favorite. I hated it. Thank you for breaking it." I see the corners if her mouth curl upwards, but it is soon replaced by the look of pain that has been there for the past week and a half since she got back.
"You want to talk about it?" I ask, expecting her to blow me off.
She shifts uncomfortably.
"I don't like ice water anymore."
"I wouldn't either if I was you. Sorry I wasn't thinking when I gave it to you." I suddenly feel guilty for doing that. I can't believe I didn't think about it.
"Can I ask you something?"
She nods.
"Out of all the people you lost, which was the hardest?"
She plays with her fingers, and snaps the hair tie on her wrist.
"My brother. I love him more than anything. When he died, I was so lost. I still am. He was so little. He didn't deserve to die. I would have taken his place. I wish I could have gone with him so I don't have to deal with this pain. He meant everything to me."
She snaps the hair tie again.
I realize why she is doing this.
"Stop." I say.
"Stop what?"
"Give me your hair tie."
"Why?"
"I know it hurts you. Give it to me."
"Ryan. It stops me from cutting. Yes, I will admit it hurts but that's why I do it. It takes away the urge to cut. So please don't take it." Her eyes are pleading.
I am torn. I don't like that she is still hurting herself, but if she is telling the truth she won't cut.
"Fine. You can keep it. But you have to tell me if its not enough and you are going to try something else ok?"
She nods.
"Ok. Now go clean all the blood off of you." She walks to the bathroom silently.