Castle's partner

In This Moment

Ryan speaks. "I know we are never going to come to an agreement on this, so lets just move on."
"Ok. So what now?"
"Well, that's a start. You can keep talking to me if you like."
I think about what to say and I am still surprised I managed to say that much.
I look around the apartment trying to think of what to say, and for the first time I truly pay attention to the detail.

The walls are painted a light ocean blue, except for one that is a dark blue. The ceiling is off white. The floor in the living room is wood, with a large tan rug. It is lavishly decorated with several lamps and side tables. I observe every detail, and it is truly beautiful. It reminds me of where I came from, my home. It was the same. It was nautical themed with paintings of the ocean and sailboats. My favorite picture growing up was always the same though. It was a picture of the Brooklyn Bridge. I always begged my parents to take me there to see it, and when I turned six I finally got to go. It was just as amazing as I dreamed it would be.
I smile to myself before turning back to Ryan.
"I'm truly ok in this moment. Maybe later?"
"Ok." I don't think he believes me, but that's ok. I know it's true, and even if it goes away soon, at least I was happy again.

Ryan finishes dinner and I sit next to him. He pulls out Shepard's pie.
I set some on my plate to keep him happy, knowing I probably won't finish it all. I pick up my fork and dig into the delicious heap of meat, mashed potatoes, cheese and carrots. I put a bite in my mouth, and the flavors explode on my tongue. For the first time in years, I feel hungry enough to keep eating. When I was by myself I was used to eating a minimal because food was hard to come by. I finish what's on my plate, and look sheepishly at Ryan. He's still eating. He stops for a brief second, and sees I'm sitting there watching him.
"Do you want more?" He asks excitedly.
I try to suppress a smile as I nod slightly. His face breaks out into a wide grin and he hands me the whole dish of food. I take a little more and put it on my plate. I eat it, and am full.
I know it's not much, but it's a start. I haven't had seconds in years.
"Thanks Ryan. It was great."
"I'm just glad you actually ate!"
I offer to do all the dishes, and he reluctantly agrees.
After I am done I change into the clothes that were in the suitcase Castle brought for me. I go to my temporary room and stare out the window. I see the usual New York bustle. I hear the honking of horns from angry cab drivers. Although I can't see many stars in this huge bright city, I can see the moon. The glass is fogging up on the window, so I take my finger and draw on it. I draw a heart, with a split down the middle to show it is broken. But then I mend it. I trace a needle and thread stitching the heart back together.
"It's beautiful," says Ryan walking into the room. He scares me, and I try not to jump.
"Thanks," I say getting in bed.
"Do you want me to stay?"
I know I will have a nightmare if he doesn't, but I don't want him to have to do that for me.
"I'm ok. If I have a nightmare I will wake you up." I lie through my teeth.
"Ok. Well goodnight. And if you need anything you know where I live." He laughs at his own joke.
I shake my head smiling.
"Ok. Goodnight Uncle Ryan." We hug and he walks out turning off the light. I sit in the dark, staring at the wall ahead.
Although I can't see it, I know it is there. And although I can't see Ryan, I know he is there.
With this thought in my head I close my eyes and fall asleep.