Castle's partner

Hassle

I am staring out the window when I hear footsteps behind me.

"Hey, what are you doing in here?" Beckett's voice rings out.

I look at her and shrug.

"Why didn't you tell me about Oliver?"

"I tried. The day I got shot."

"Oh. That's what you wanted to talk to me about? Samantha, I'm really sorry."

"It's not your fault."

She looks at the ground before speaking.

"Do you like him? Does he know about...anything?"

I chuckle. "Yeah I told him. Turns out, his dad died too. We, we can help each other. But he's going to end up helping me more than I will help him. That's ok though!"

Beckett smiles and shakes her head. "I'm glad you found him."

"Yeah, me too."

She turns to walk away.

"Beckett?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you like him?"

"I do." And she walks out of the room.

I look back out the window, and again I hear footsteps behind me.

I throw my head back in frustration.

"Uggh can't a girl get ten seconds of privacy?"

"No not really." Ryan says. "Why didn't you tell me about him?"

His face is covered in disappointment.

"Ryan, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just afraid you wouldn't like him or you wouldn't want me to date him. Are-are you mad at me?"

Ryan lets out a little smile.

"I could never be mad at you. But, you know you can tell me these things ok?"

I nod.

"What are you doing in here anyways?"

"Just...thinking."

He sits in a chair across from me.

"Bout what?"

I fiddle with my fingers.

"Nothing...everything. I don't know. I guess just all the 'what ifs.' What if it doesn't work out, what if I get hurt, what if he gets hurt? What if my family was here?"

"Hey, hey!" Ryan stands up and puts his arms around me. "You know what we can do? We can take life day by day, ok? That makes it just a little easier. We are all here for you, so we are your family. I know it's not the same, but at least you have us."

He kisses me on the forehead and gives me one last squeeze before walking away.

"Samantha? Don't get too lost. I know there's a lot to think about in that huge brain of yours."

"Not all who wander are lost." I say, quoting some of my favorite books.

"I know." He says before disappearing.

I am left alone with my thoughts, something I used to be afraid of.

I sit for a few more minutes before gaining the courage to go out into the hell storm that awaits me.

I take a deep breath before heading out.

Oliver is still there talking to everyone. My family.

I smile, wondering if this is what it would be like if my real family could see this.

Oliver glances up from his conversation with the boys, and notices me. He excuses himself.

"Hey Samantha. Is it ok with you that I did this?"

"Oliver, of course! It means a lot to me. I can't believe you would take on cops."

"Hey, I'm taking on you, can't be much different." He smiles.

"Heeeyyy. Don't forget about that serial killer."

He shudders which makes me laugh.

"Ok, I have to go but I'll talk to you later alright?"

"Sounds good."

And with that, he retreats to the outside world.

I approach Ryan.

"Hey have we found a body yet?"

"No which I'm glad about. You'd probably get so excited you'd pop a stitch."

I burst out laughing, doubling over in my wheelchair because I can't breathe.

When the laughter finally dies down about five minutes later, I say, "If I was going to pop a stitch I would have already."

"Yeah, that's probably true."

"So what have you guys been doing while I've been out of commission?"

He shifts uncomfortably.

"Ryan?"

"We uh....we picked up a case."

"What case would that be?"

"Yours?" He lets out almost breathlessly.

I freeze. "You've been working on my abuse case. While I'm not here?"
I can feel the tension in my voice increasing.

"We knew the only way we could work on it is if you didn't know we were. Samantha, I know you don't want us to get hurt, but they hurt you. And we want justice for you."

"Ryan! It's not worth it to me if one of you gets hurt! These people are ruthless! And to do it behind my back? Why not just talk to me?"

"Because this would happen!" He gestures to me. "We knew you wouldn't want us to. We are doing the right thing here!"

"Really? Did you even stop to think about what this will do to me? The trauma, I have to go through, again? So who are you doing this for, me, or you?"

The usually bustling precinct has gone dead silent. There is no shuffle of paper or insistent whispering from the other officers. All motion has stopped.

I shake my head in anger before rolling myself into the elevator, and wait for the doors to close before letting out a groan of frustration.